Simply an extraordinary event, photographed in a personal setting

These pictures provide an interpretation of what I and many of us have experienced during the global Covid-19 pandemic. This story explores the confinements themselves, along with an observation of life after the quarantines in a stylised and emotional way

Window waiting…

I am writing this seven weeks into the quarantine, I prefer to use that word as "lockdown” tends to be associated with prisons... So, let’s all be honest here; who thought we’d experience a global pandemic in our lifetime? Not I, and I think it is safe to say that much of world wasn’t either. But it’s here, breathe it in, wait, don’t, please don’t... Please.

Despite the circumstances, the quarantine has been quite convenient. Personally providing me with opportunities to organise, re-strategise and relax. Most of the time though, it has been incredibly entertaining, plenty of dancing and lunacy with mother and father to the point I wish it was my career. All this prancing and nonsense has made me reflect and bathe among my childhood memories. I really did feel like a child again in some ways. It was wonderful to reminisce such peaceful and innocent times - adulthood was on pause, only for the slightest moment! Although, through adulthood comes Shakespeare, and through Shakespeare comes the often misunderstood Richard II. He appears in my head, challenging my idiocy with his wise words:

I wasted time, and now doth time waste me

… leaving me feel rather piqued, thanks Richard, you’ve sobered me up, how boring.

As time went on though, Richard’s words had an impact. One week I did absolutely nothing. Honestly one day, I was reluctant to do pretty much anything. I was receiving messages from my friends, and I had no motivation to respond to any of them, I just starred at my phone. Everything dragged, it was like a chef was stretching my face out like dough all over the floor, treading on it, then using it to make a rope to skip with his young daughter whilst I was there watching, feeling all dull and shoulder-shrugging, not caring in the slightest. I entered this state of procrastination and it was infuriating, I just let it swarm my body. I then developed this internal anger and frustration towards the pandemic, metaphorically shaking the virus and punching and beating it, stamping on it and spreading it into the ground. Then my mum plays some Fauré and my mind calms down. We have all been listening to his delights throughout the quarantine, it was much needed. Time I did feel was wasting me, letting me decay as if - an overwhelming meh swelled my body to the point where I felt like a gone-off blueberry, rolling back and forth to the toilet throughout the week to then participate again in the excitement of nothing.

From blueberries to poignancy, I have the greatest respect for those combating this disease and have every drop of sympathy for those who have lost their buddies, companions and champions. However, as I write I still feel an irritation towards this whole confinement and inevitably I do question if this was the right approach and what will be more consequential, the virus or it’s aftermath. It is this question we shall be asking and answering to our friends and family at the dinner table over the next few years, and how will history observe this period and where on earth do we go from here - let’s just push and see if any wings pop out of our backs and just fly away from all of this.

Until we are out of all of this, with a vaccine one would assume, I will be recording and commemorating this bazaar, turbulent, haunting and cruel moment in our modern times. If there is a vaccine that is, if not then I shall cast my own judgement and decide when this project will end. Most probably when society returns to the way things were, if it ever does?

The images you see here only tell part of this international affair, though the quarantine is significant enough, there is more upon us. Imagine this as a blog, I shall be updating this every so often through this journey.

So raise a glass (or three - if there is any left) to dear old knowledge, solidarity and camaraderie as we delve into these unusual times, because I think we’re gonna need it.

5th May 2020

Blue skies, occasional showers and the cosy sunshine blessed April, it felt like the most loving hug with extra kisses. I have since started to appreciate how green it is. Obviously when you are stuck inside, as soon as you step out your front door you appreciate every little detail. You absorb your neighbourhood in a way like no other. It smelt so utterly fresh and that’s unreal considering we’re on the outskirts of London.

Though it’s all so fantastic outside, it can still be a bit boring exploring the same area again and again, when you know you’d rather be enjoying this weather elsewhere like Cornwall. Amusingly, you just hope in a way something will happen on your outing. Whilst you’re on a run for instance, you hope you’ll trip over and graze your leg, just to add some entertainment to the day - yes I sometimes have been that desperate.

Anyway, I’ve noticed how the grass is a lot greener, the tress are totally lush and slightly overgrown. It’s wonderful to see nature be anti-social and go wild as if it was on a night out. I adore it when the sun shines in-between the gaps and sits on my face. However, the restrictions mean I am unable to stop and suck up its heavenly rays. The garden at home is on an embankment and the house blocks the light, so no suntrap and quarantine tan for us - pretending we’ve been to Greece is not on the cards this year. Instead, we went to Limpsfield and other southern beauty spots and conquered their footpaths and get our dosage of vitamin D. I am sure that’s what we will be doing for the rest of the year and that’s fine by me, to a degree. Not quite sure how much of Limspfield I can take in a year.

13th May 2020

One aspect of this quarantine that I’ve started to appreciate is that when I buy a place of my own, the fifth thing I shall be setting my eyes upon is a dog. Muted affection and companionship is much to be desired and it makes talking to yourself seem less weird.

A change of tone now: as of current, I am feeling rather flat simply because it has now been 9 weeks since I last did any kind of paid work and it is proving to be incredibly exhausting, irritating and its some-what driving me insane. Many people will be sharing the same sentiments, rattling the cage hoping the iron will give so we can break free and return to sanity. Up until now it has really hit me to the point where I am beginning to feel somewhat unmotivated. This is a particular concern to me - the jobs I gave myself to do during the quarantine I have essentially completed bar a few, so now I am essentially anticipating for the restrictions to be eased.

Earlier on in the quarantine I did feel a similar way, but that was short lived and I do hope this will be too. One of the pictures I’ve included is a self portrait in my bedroom where I am starring aimlessly thinking things through, asking myself the key questions of where we are going and how and when is it going to end. I had a hunch these emotions would inevitably come as I lay in bed and that I had to be lost in my thoughts for the picture to be effective. Instinctively, I purposely set up my camera and tripod in the same position every night so my mum or dad could take this specific photo the following morning. I simply told mum just to press the shutter whilst I didn’t move an inch and I judged the image on when I thought the moment was right.

Though I am creating to-do-lists practically every day and trying to be productive until restrictions soften, one idea that I have had for years is that of play-writing. I have finally come round to put my ideas on paper and get my work out there potentially! However, one hopes the energy around the house calms down so I can actually concentrate. The neighbours must think we are a bunch of weirdos, to my pleasure; I have always appreciated such a compliment. Ha, it’s funny I said in the last paragraph ‘return to sanity’ isn’t it, because that couldn’t be further from the truth - if I could walk to work as a crab, I would…

18th May 2020

En-route to get the shopping every other week with mum, you cannot help but notice the shops and pubs that have closed because of the pandemic. It is a shame to see the town I have lived in all my life be ground to a halt. Though what I find refreshing is how some of these shops are making use of the conditions, transforming their restaurants to takeaway joints or up-scaling their online services, offering deliveries with an extra charge. This is the future and the future is closer than we think, much closer...

What I do find distressing is the number of businesses that will potentially close permanently. I am afraid to say many of these will probably be pubs and theatres, particularly theatres. The industry that I love so much is on the edge I’d say and it is terrifying; theatres simply cannot operate in a socially-distant world. Two metres doesn’t work - in theory you’re probably yelling in your head: yes it could what are you talking about?! The reality however is that most of these venues need to sell at least 60% or more of their tickets in order to generate some kind of profit, theatres across the West End and the entire country were already struggling to that even before covid-19. This is the greatest tragedy to ever strike this industry in my mind. I don’t think people realise how much we depends on culture and sport in this country, it is in many ways what we are known for! So I, along with hundreds and thousands of others wait with baited breath, these few months will be make or break for some of our countries’ most valuable theatrical institutions. I am sure they will bounce back and if they don’t new establishments will be erected, guarantee it. Theatrical appetite never dies.

For now I remain concerned for everyone, business and people alike. We are in for a bumpy ride...

One thing I do know is that humans are creatures of habit, and we adapt; adapt to the way things were and our thirst, knowledge and instinct will guide us back and save these precious organisations from devastation, I hope. Trust your fellow man and trust where they put their wallet. Confidence will return.

22nd May 2020

Here is some Bach. If you view the translation of this piece, you’ll see that verse three is fairly representational and corresponds to the times we currently find ourselves in.

22nd May 2020

Netherland Bach Society. All Rights Reserved

I’ve so far kept a very domestic approach towards this pandemic. I do wonder what the situations are like across our vast oceans and how slow or fast their clocks are ticking. Does their grass burn as fast as our’s? British spring time has been unusually dry, a relief to some, more sunshine for the thousands going to the park. Though for others like the gardener and farmers, a grave concern since we are all at home and the demand on food has never, and probably never will be greater in my lifetime, I hope.

Aa I walked through the fields and parks, the grass has turned into this exotic European yellow. I remember the days when the grass was so be green, not crisped and burnt, it’s hard to look at. I do remember the summer of two years ago where the sun would not stop beaming it’s thirty-nine degree heat. It made me think we were bearing witness to something seismic, of proportions to which we the British did not know we could produce weather like this upon our shores. It did feel as if we were in another country.

The dry spring we’re having here reminds me of the potential holidays others would be festering in and appreciating after months of work. Either to Spain or other radiant destinations - European countries that have been also devastated by the pandemic. On that note, It is crazy how we are so quick to compare country to country and how each one has favoured throughout. A somewhat terrifying thought, especially how others are trying to politically point score and capitalise from such an ordeal. To interject their political destinies and ideologies, whilst attempting to dismantle governments because of the handling of a pandemic which no one predicted. It is offensive and insensitive to the lives lost and pathetic that people can be so greedy and opportunistic.

In relation to this, I have been observing that there has been a lack of empathy from the media. They continue to “aid” the public and the public foolishly continues to be influenced by their narrative - they are the manipulators. When will the time arise when we stop indulging and be heavily influenced by these organisations? When shall we stand tall and take accountability for ourselves and restore trust in our governments without the media interfering with such emotional consumerist trash? They produce concepts that favour themselves, masked as being beneficial for all. The click-bait generation is here, and we are absorbed by it. Sensationalism is fuelling ideology. As you can clearly tell, I am no fan of present journalism. Maybe I am a victim of this post-truth generation, but the way current journalism stands is degenerate. Where comment is out of touch with the majority, evidence selective and facts taken out of context.

This is why I resonate with photography; it simply tells you as it is. It’s honest, brutal and dignified - where did it go? Only a handful of mainstream publications appreciate photographic storytelling, and during times such as these, pictures have never been more important to engage with not just us here in the UK, but indeed all over the planet.

Rant

Over.

2nd June 2020

The Easing

Arh you know what, I can breathe again. That was the greatest exhale of breath; it stretched from one end, to the other end of the house and through the window where it had it’s sweet taste of freedom. This is the beginning of life returning to normality, a relief for all.

3rd June 2020

The first thing I did was find some social contact with ideally someone my age range, whilst of course obeying and respecting the two metres social distancing… Fun. Well… Yeah, it is what it is. I just needed to find someone or something be around, something different. I needed to be reminded of what life was like before so I don’t end up going insane.

Joe cycled all the way from Limehouse to Riddlesdown, which is mighty impressive. I applauded him and we celebrated with hummus and, er, I honestly can’t remember what else. I just remember bathing in hummus, chickpea hummus. During the quarantine, I was very tempted to make this beetroot hummus. I wanted to experiment as much as I could with food and try out new recipes. Inevitably however, you get carried away with things and subsequently get distracted, tragically half the time you end up doing nothing, it is whilst you’re doing nothing you then remember about wanting to make that beetroot hummus… And the cycle repeats itself. So I am currently on this long quest to make beetroot hummus.

One night however I did make this dinner with rice, cucumber, golden syrup, radish, tomatoes potatoes and pak choi leaves from the garden. I am sure there was more in this dish but once again, my memory has failed me. Mum and Dad looked at me with revolt to my disappointment. I tried to make this dish sweet and “fresh”, and the only reason why it was fresh in my eyes was because I added the cucumber, what an idiot me. Nothing wrong with trying to be a pioneer, whether you think its pioneering enough, you decide. Anyway I’m getting distracted, Joe and I watch the sunset and he cycled all the way back that very night, trooper.

Oh and one day that week I walk two and a half hours to Crystal Palace Park, because I actually forgot this place existed during the quarantine, much like the rest of the world.

9th June 2020

Earlier on in the quarantine, I was surprised I did not put on any weight considering how much I had eaten over the entire period. Though I say that, I keep doing that stupid thing where I look in the fridge ten times a day, thinking food is going to magically appear, but, yet again, it doesn’t. As I said in my last entry I was trying to get creative with my cooking, at times, I think why bother because, well I’m not sure why. Maybe because I have no real motivation and that I have tried to cook like a “pro” in the past unsuccessfully. I guess I really do get inspired by those cooking TV shows, they are incredibly persuasive and orgasmic with combinations and presentation enough for my mouth to ooze like the River Ouse.

I say I lack motivation, I actually haven’t during this pandemic. I have started to look after my body and have participated in a lot of exercise simply because of the confinement. I relished the opportunity as it has been on my mind for years! One mile runs, dumbbells and walks, along with cutting down on carbohydrates and to my realisation, this mentally keeps you fit as well as physically (obviously some will say). It makes you think; maybe it was intended to be this way, how the two coincide with each other and work together to create a specific quality of life, a shared experience of how life should be lived?

17th June 2020

On the 25th of May 2020, George Floyd died as a result of a Minneapolis police officer kneeling on his neck for more than eight minutes whilst in custody. In response, people across many cities in the USA and all over the world came out to protest. In London, rallies were held in Hyde Park, down Whitehall and in Parliament and Trafalgar Square. These protests were held over several days around the country even though social distancing measures were in place. I photographed one of the gatherings.

19th June 2020

I am playing the waiting game it feels like and it’s exhausting. Why, I have no idea. Maybe because doing nothing is not in our DNA, that it shouldn’t be in our DNA. Wasted potential - the brain is there to absorb, grow, collect and analyse - we should be motivating it! Yet, nothing…

Discovery nowadays feel unappreciated, sticking to the things we are most familiar with, never challenging ourselves. Instead, we seek finding comfort and security in everything we do. Even sharing new or pre-existing ideas and concepts or even speaking about differences of opinion has somewhat become controversial.

What the pandemic has shown, is big businesses will not be as phased from the pandemic unlike their smaller counterparts. I do personally feel we are heading down a slippery slope with multinational iconic branded businesses. They will eventually become giants, potentially overshadowing everything we do and change the way we operate. They have become fixated about the line going up and up and at such speed, never steady. These businesses are deemed models of success, worthy of standing ovations, supposedly. It then leads to the point where they realise that their model is unsustainable; accumulated debt as demand has outpaced supply, one of the problems of our globalised world. In my mind, a new age of censorship, cancel culture and cultural dominance is among us, all for the sake of brand identity and protectionism. In order to deem themselves worthy amongst the consumers.

I feel we will succumb to these big businesses and their ideals all for the sake of practicality and convenience, sacrificing our own visions and opinions all because of either good PR (personal relations) or political opportunism. Brainwashing us with a particular narrative - is money and position being used to control the mindset of others, to manipulate the agenda? It sounds conspiratorial I know but who wants that and who asked for it?! Why do these corporations feel they have some moral duty and high ground? These to an extent are of the consequences of monopolisation, they become so huge and influential, hijacking the cultural space to patronise us with their values whilst dismantling the smaller enterprises just so they can see their brand in green on the stock exchange, eliminating the competition. Yet we don’t even realise they are having an impact of our lives because it’s so easily masqueraded as being convenient. They are expanding into new markets and territories and subtly altering our way of living, assuming their vision is greater, and it is now starting to have an effect on the people - but why? My theory is how everything is now so easily accessible it’s making people not properly digest information and assume that the bigger organisations are credible and reliable with their content, thus producing what I like to call the lazy generation. Moreover many sections of society choose to reside amongst people who think alike not engaging with the others, social media and the current internet trends and culture make this evident. Cosying up with people likeminded to ourselves, enforcing an identity politics.

If all this mass wealth and control is how we now measure and view success, please count me out! Though I say all this, we are unsure as to how they will have an affect on our way of life (or that they don’t, you decide). Observing this in the coming years will be fascinating and whether the rebellion will be significant, if there is one at all? I must stress I am not writing this to condemn all big business. Don’t forget, it’s a free market, you do you and you choose whatever. I write because I am fearful of how their capital will be used for reform and change the social and economic landscape. A landscape that will eventually lack independence, choice and conducts political influence - how big is big and where does it go from there?

To contrast, home is comforting, but even in such comfort these corporation still preach their practises, now wanting so much involvement in our lives. Unnerving, to think when you’re safe and protected, they’re coming to get you, like a burglar in the night.

1st July 2020

The easing is now coming into effect, gradually places of interest are reopening and it is all very exciting! Though we are of course remaining very cautious and careful, it’s great to see people being responsible, it’s very reassuring to prevent this virus from spreading further.

2nd July 2020

On an overcast June 15th, shops and the general retail sector in England was allowed to open. So, I decided to venture into town and see the sights. I found it incredibly refreshing, to see all these people out being careful and enjoying themselves. It was an excuse to observe the civilisation we forgot existed, for some of us that is. Though, I must say it was not as busy as I thought. I guess we are still fearful of this virus and that it will take a some time for attitudes to change and return to the normality which we remember and I miss, dearly.

7th July 2020

Urgh, don’t. Just don’t. I really don’t feel like talking, or typing or doing anything. Why? Because I have been suffering from probably the worst hay fever that I can honestly remember. Everything from my eyes, to nose, sinus, back to my eyes and my ears, yes my ears. I have this condition called Eustachian Tube Dysfunction caused by the hay fever and it has quite honestly driven me insane, absolutely crazy. There is mucus in my ears, causing this tinnitus. It feel like someone has left the phone off the hook, or that the television is not tuned in. God I am harking back to the old days, though that is how I feel, old and wearing at twenty-six, all because of this blasted ringing in my ears. It sounds stupid, but trust me, you’ll understand my pain if and when you experience this.

What is even worse than hay fever however, is having wisdom teeth complications - well, actually this is debatable. Sure you can have your wisdom teeth removed, but the irritation is constant most of the time while they’re intact. Hay fever however happens over the same period every year but it varies, whether it is mild, non-existent or bad. You decide what is worse, I can’t… I have had wisdom teeth problems since January; aches and pains making me want to punch all my teeth out and re-align them. I will never forgive my ancestors for these poor genetics, never! I managed to get a dentist appointment to my luck and regrettably I was told that I have to wait until they all fully grow, then I can have the bugger’s removed. To my discovery, I have a bottom set of wisdom teeth that appear like tusks, like an elephant or a walrus, what would I rather be? Probably a Walrus, I’ve always wanted strangers to rub my belly, problem? When I got the x-ray, I must say I somewhat felt sick when I saw the abnormality that were my bottom wisdom teeth and it just made me realise how weird our bodies actually are. The irony of finding the things inside of you that keep us going revolting, the sight of veins and hearing your heartbeat haunts me in my sleep.

Going out, basking in the sunshine with friends and breathing in the grass and tree pollen sadly did not do any good. My face feels swollen, like it’s inflated; moving towards the Ozone layer, a chance to give it a good clean with my dust pan and brush. Maybe that will clear things up with all this climate change stuff? Who knows - but perhaps Nanny will give me some wisdom, and some yummy food next week.

July 14th 2020

Happy birthday Dick (Dad). I am sorry it wasn’t the birthday that we all intended, especially as it was your 65th, but rest assured we will celebrate when normality returns and greet all the guests with one-of-a-kind pale ale and tomatoes from the garden. June 28th will come again - keep going Dickus van der Dik!

July 23th 2020

Something I have been evaluating over the past couple of weeks is the element of risk in our lives. It’s an aspect which we do not consider enough even though it is everywhere! As we continue down the road to recovery from this pandemic, I still see and hear how people are still somewhat afraid of going on public transport, shopping and eating out at restaurants, it’s such a shame. As I write the risk of the catching this virus is now incredibly low here in the UK, now I see the biggest risk to life is indeed our economy plunging affecting the poorest and young professionals. To keep the country and our sanity moving, we must understand that life essentially is full of hidden and somewhat obvious risks, which keep us and our finances alive, the sweet irony!

For example, I could get hit by a car tomorrow or could drown at the beach seeing as it is a nice sunny day. These circumstances will always haunt us, but may not materialise. Covid-19 could be lurking on that hand rail on the train up to London. Ultimately we need to mentally prepare ourselves that this virus will more than likely stay around probably for eternity. Should we sit inside our houses for the rest of our lives and wait for it to just blow over? … No. I am well aware however that a pandemic is quite the exceptional circumstance, though due the nature of this disease, how on earth could we create the herd-immunity desired by scientists in order to weaken this virus and return to some kind of normality, if we don’t venture out and catch this illness?

Where is the quality of life? Just realise every step you take consider your environment and acknowledge that yes risk is everywhere, and we should not be scared or be cowered by it. Personally I would rather die and know I had my freedoms and privileges than be anxious and hide from the potential death surrounding me.

17th August 2020

I have this irresistible urge to keep playing this piece of music by Tchaikovsky, it’s one of his lesser works which deserves much more attention - like all his choral works. I hope you take to it as fondly as myself.

17th August 2020

USSR Ministry of Culture Chamber Choir Conductor: Valeri Polyansky

How refreshing it is to hear the London train chugging at their delayed pace once again and hear kids going back to school enjoying their lunch-breaks breaking into all the quarantine gossip! Though as much as I am grateful of all this hustle and bustle, I can’t help but think of the countryside I visited during the summer! Such greenery down in the West Country. So cosy, thick and lush - it could have been my blanket during the cold night, organic of course. Although the night time air in the country is bitterly cold, even in the height of summer.

Living in London, you do forget how the majority of the country lives outside the M25 and yes, the quality of life is totally different, something over the years I have started to appreciate. It is as I have got older I crave and idolise the idea of wanting to be around meadows and a particular tranquillity that London cannot offer, though you do need a car and regrettably, I feel I am too clumsy to drive. Moreover I do find myself quite annoying at times; every time I head to the countryside on vacation or to see family I always am excited and eagerly anticipate the journey and the visit! Though when I arrive and stay for a couple of days, London cries out for me, I refuse to look back at first, but it keeps calling my name and I pull my stern face to make sure it gets the message… Sadly not. It then prods me, and keeps prodding till I give in and I turn around and see what I have built there (my life obviously) and indeed its charm and sexiness. From varied architecture, to its rhythm and endless and wonderful personalities. Unique characters from these British Isles and around the world, it does feel like I belong here. Of course that’s not to say the rest of the country does not offer the same, it does but in an environment that I am not familiar to as well; with practicalities that are not so convenient for me, annoying I know.

Having said all this though, I should really try and venture else where and live maybe in another city close to the country so I can appreciate both, like Bristol or somewhere like that, I dunno - help me! The green pastures provide me such comfort temporarily, till those pesky grey skies and tower blocks come to mind and strangely, I find them somewhat desirable and that’s all because I am so use to city life that I am unable to adjust to new ways of living, and appreciating them. Damn it!

7th September 2020

The weather once again has been totally bliss - who ever is up there is blessing us throughout this pandemic, thank you! Although they know what’s going on down here and they’re laughing at our incompetence, I bet you. Obviously they’re lounging in the sun sipping the martini with fit sexy men feeding grapes and fanning cool air, whilst we all just space ourselves out and talk at a two metres distance and wearing our fancy masks fearing if we’ll catch the bug, lovely. But let’s be honest, how well do we follow the guidance? I sense a fatigue growing, a profound one. A frustration that will most certainly rock the boat. It will eventually capsize throwing all of us overboard. In the government’s eyes, we’ll have to start all over again. Sinking even further, wondering when will we hit the ocean bed?

I just wish I could sleep through it all, sometimes it’s just exhausting, unmotivated and I am becoming lackadaisical because I miss the contact without feeling and thinking about whether I’ve got this stupid thing. And of course, the freedom, I miss that too.

23rd September 2020

Round and round and round we go - when will it stop?

From the middle of September, just before my birthday actually we start to see Covid cases rise across not just here in the UK, but all over the shot. America, Europe pretty much anywhere where we’ve begin to see the climate shift from warm to cool. It’s clear we are going backwards, or are we? Deaths are still down though and cases are going up.

I am pretty confident that the vast majority of the country want to get on with their lives and live with this disease, I am pretty sure of that. Having another “lockdown” will be somewhat catastrophic. I sound sensational but I do believe it, it most probably will be in every aspect. Or, we temporarily live by the system we have in place now; with regulations to mitigate the spread of the disease.

I will say: to be free in thought and movement is the greatest quality of life. Though I think we are now trying to re-evaluate what it means to live a '“quality” life. A question that does spring to mind as restrictions tighten again is what should we value more; our security and protection or our liberties and freedom? And at what cost, where do we draw the line - what is our destiny and where are we heading?

My brother and Hannah got married during the pandemic, not phased whatsoever. The bonds of love should not be halted by this dark and disturbing air circling us at this current time. Their feelings and intentions were present there and then and therefore triumph this disease - we must never cower or bow to the enemy, otherwise it will win. And also, isn’t it beautiful to witness love during such times of turbulence, particularly if it is in the family. Weddings are not just an escapism for us spectators; but the concept, innocence and beauty of observing the physicality of love is something we should all appreciate and integrate further into our and other cultures. Reinforcing how to best treasure and protect one-another, guiding us into ultimately becoming better human-beings. These are indeed (and should be) universal ideals that the Western world seems to be forgetting or disregarding nowadays, something we so desperately need to hold on to in this new and digital age an age of digital scepticism, surveillance and constant consumption. Correct me if I’m wrong please... In this regard I am quite the traditionalist and the new normal of broken marriages makes me very sad. However, the sun was out and it was a fantastic day, a lovely wedding. Not what was intended, but love is love and it is spectacular to watch.

After the wedding, my cousin and I took a trip to Scotland and enjoyed the sights and freedom that we once took for granted. Considering that trips abroad are practically impossible with all the restrictions upon entering most countries. Scotland honestly is the most beautiful country in the world, I have fallen in love with everything about it. The people the places and the pace ticks and chimes to the rhythm of life, and does it better than dreary London. There’s a theme here isn’t there? Love is everywhere - not too much I hope otherwise I’ll get fatigued and I’ll go back to hating everything, again.

13th October 2020

Forking hell…

14th October 2020

Someone save me please; things are getting quite boring… So boring that I’ve discovered that I have put on some pounds. I am quite surprised, and I am not sure how this has happened. Well, obviously I know why this has happened; recently I have no motivation whatsoever to eat healthy and that I have been eating more than I usually would. A symptom of the quarantine most definitely.

I turned 27 on the 20th of September and it must also have been then my metabolism just gave up. It use to be quite good, very good. So good I use to get hungry again after eating something like a roast dinner, crazy and my body always stayed the same. And now, my body has decided to let go and put on the pounds. I will miss those days. Fine, I am up for the challenge, I accept, I’ll show you what I’m made of and I will fight back, bigger and better! … Not that much bigger though, I hope.

Temptation is a curse.

31st October 2020

It happened, again…

We have been instructed once again, to quarantine inside our homes. Only for a month this time, whether it will be a month is another story entirely. MPs in the British Parliament now vote on whether “lockdowns” should take place, something I greatly appreciate. Because the evidence I have seen does not justify this second English quarantine and saying I am furious is merely an understatement. Obviously I will not point out my findings on here but I can assure you have been moaning to friends and family at how ridiculous this all is. I am grateful that parliamentarians have a say on this as it is part and parcel of this country’s democratic principles. Though one could argue that at moments such as a national emergency, similar to the Second World War, the government takes control and decide on Britain’s best interest. The evidence I have seen does not suggest we should enter this new phase and the public are becoming quite resistant, which I find more damaging in the long term if more restrictions are imposed. The freedoms we have are being temporarily devoured and I hope they will be regurgitated…

One of the greatest problems of all of this is the inevitability that people will become suspicious and conspiratorial of this pandemic; introducing a new world order in their eyes. A digital and authoritarian revolution conjoined; a society where freedoms could potentially be restricted, big corporations sucking up the little ones, gaining grounds on culture and consumption. Governments having more powers and abilities to control our actions and decisions, thus creating a new rhythm of life in regards to future opportunities and globalist politics.

Which brings me on nicely to the news that during this quarantine, the big pharmaceutical company Pfizer has produced a vaccine which they say is 90% effective in preventing the virus according to their results. Before the vaccine comes to the NHS, rigorous safety checks have to take place to see if the vaccine is suitable for our consumption. Firstly: relief and huge congratulations to those involved in creating this! Secondly I am just relieved that this blasted thing is potentially being released soon, so we can just get back to normal, even if we actually needed this vaccine or not. I personally believe this virus is part of our DNA now and wasn’t as big as a threat now as it was back in March, to put it bluntly. So anything for governments to release these restrictions that are constricting so many livelihoods across the world would be delightful thank you very much.

Although, at the Festival of Remembrance at the Albert Hall this year, Prince Charles The Prince of Wales gave a rather fantastic speech, commemorating the lives of the armed forces. Within it, he commented on how this crisis has made us realise how important the sacrifice of those serving in both World Wars was. It is because of their heroic and gallant efforts that we have these freedoms and that they are “more precious than we knew”. So quite rightfully, we and many others are standing up, in honour of these servicemen who died for our sake, our destinies and our personal liberties. They fought for democracy and democracy must be obeyed and indeed respected. Times were different back then, the rise of authoritarianism meant we have to act quickly. Back in March, we did act quickly and contained the disease, it was a period of uncertainty and yes, fear.

Science has understood this illness more. Covid-19 has now enter the fabric of our society, so we should stand strong, like those men and women who fended and defended and carry on, not to be deterred. This security state we live in is and will cause us harm mentally and physically and we should not be cowered from trying to live life as normal as we possibly can.

An argument I proposed to myself however was that it is because of these freedoms and advances in science, health and opportunity that we are indeed so protective of our liberties. Therefore the action of preventing the disease from getting out of control was of national importance. This seem to be the route our government has taken and what will the legacy be as we near the end of the pandemic? What will change, how will we engage with society after the pandemic? It will be interesting to view the role of government, will there be a necessity to suspect whether future governments are engaging in the creation of policy that will harm our free-thinking, self determination, privacy, undermine and compromise the values this country holds so dear? My answer is, I hope not.

12th November 2020

You all probably want a break from the last entry… Alright, I’ll give you something smaller and more light hearted to read…

I have recently rediscovered something I use to do whilst I was at primary school. On a trip to France when I was 11, we were sitting at the table for breakfast and my group of friends and I were waiting and messing around. Because I went to a Church of England primary school, we always said a prayer before our meal. Before grace, I deliberately poured the jug of hot chocolate onto my cornflakes, which I then ate and adored. Maybe it was a saving grace, but I think the Lord knows that this is a heavenly combination. To my discovery, no one has heard of this and to those who I told, everyone has found it revolting. So that’s fine, more for me.

Someone however did tell me that this is quite an establish practise in France, but I have conducted an investigation and, nothing! As it stands, I am taking credit for this invention. You all must try this, it’s delicious!

26th November 2020

This piece of music once again, is fairly representational of the current world events and a personal favourite of mine. Listen up, it is gorgeous.

10th December 2020

The Orchard Enterprises How Are the Mighty Fall'n Robert Ramsey · Gallicantus Gabriel Crouch

Joy to the World -

Only joking! There is no joy - what joy? It’s the most mediocre and repetitive time of the year. It doesn’t have to be, but in reality, we all know it is and it never changes. I guess the aging process is cruel; children experience the fun and innocence of Santa Claus, whilst we soak ourselves in alcohol to solve (or resolve, or forget) our year’s dilemmas and problems, trying to escape from the clutches of life whilst resting with loved ones, adapting to the senescent and changing dimensions of our wider family. For us, it’s never exciting unless you have a bunch of people playing, gossiping and catching sprouts - and that always ends quickly.

I sound very pessimistic (probably have done throughout this entire blog to be honest), but nothing cheers me up more than moaning about the pathetic and contradictory time that is Christmas for us the mainstream bumpkins. Finally it is time I put it all into words, finally I can discuss how the definition of Christmas is altering, ironically alienating those who worship the birth of Jesus Christ himself. The materialism that surrounds this time of year painfully reminds me of how we are persuaded by products and favour flashing lights, comfort-food; heart attacks and strokes. It’s as if the consortiums have taken Christ hostage; seizing him and nailing him to the cross instead and then throwing him down the waterfall and blaming it on the Romans…

I like to imagine Christmas in the typical household always looks like this: look around you, behold the pomp and supposed splendour that is artificial green, tacky baubles and painted red berries, tinsel produced by the Bangladeshis in cramped work spaces. The mass-marketed glossy glamorous gowns the ladies wear, suiting the men stitch to their skin that we like to show off to our self-confessed Saturday-night-TV Aunties and Uncles, provided by your local supermarket who have swallowed up the cute little butchers and Debora’s Fashion Boutique (unisex by choice) on the high street. Have a wonderful same-old stereotypical Christmas John Smith in your fancy pink silk shirt you alpha male, balding and sprouting that belly, devouring those pigs-in-blankets, asking the wife for seconds with your mouth-full. Don’t forget the typical glass of fizz that you can’t remember if it’s Cava or Champagne, poor you. The goose fat which you cooked the potatoes in, (trying that Jamie Oliver recipe for the first time) has clearly streamed into your brain causing much fatigue and drooling and therefore casting you to fall asleep at precisely five-thirty. Even the guests are struggling to find conversation to keep everyone going (and alive). The rhythm has certainly fallen rather flat like a whale playing an oboe. Everyone’s sitting awkwardly around the table. Closed legs and an upright back, trying to be courteous and showing off that they are the better person - but not John of course, yawning confidently with his one iconic rotten tooth. Struggling to think of interesting topics; the flow and energy is lost. So as much as you don’t want to, you turn on the television and resort the nonsense they spew. Covered with political correctness, sharing the love, treasuring family and all of these other virtue signalling monstrosities that they decay us with as if we have forgotten, not upholding our Christian values - slap on the wrist John, silly boy! When it gets to seven o’clock, the first person decides to heads home. then after that, it gives everyone else the confidence to say they are thinking - and I stress thinking, when in reality they are wanting to leave now. So come seven-thirty, everyone has gone and the tragedy is they only arrived at half one for a two o’clock lunch… Now the living room is empty and stale, odours staining the walls because everyone has been belching and farting discreetly, or someone has an allergy, who knows?

The emblems that we surround ourselves with provide nothing but security and wanting to be part of a tradition that has totally lost its true context. The definition of Christmas has morphed, it has become something it is not, it’s authenticity lost to modernisation. An excuse to spend money unnecessarily for those who do not believe and question the presence of God. You’d think that the non-religious people (or atheists) participating in Christmas would dwell and contemplate Christianity, which they probably don’t - Christianity here in the UK is declining. So I still continue to ask myself why they still participate in the celebrations and continue to purchase Christian iconography, decorating it around their homes - you would think they were followers of Christ. Our population is blanketed with Cultural Christians, who appreciate (and benefit) from Christian ideology. From the ten commandments that enshrine our way of life to this day, to the tolerance which we British are so well known for. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t one, though I believe the celebration of Christmas is very different from living in a society defined by Christian rule, benefitting from it and therefore seeking the best for humanity. Cultural Christians adhere to Christian values and not take-part in Christian ceremonies like Christmas (the birth of Christ if anyone has forgotten - an insult to Christians themselves). Ultimately for me, Christmas has become and is a party, an end-of-year reunion of mutual feelings amongst those who I am close to. I would happily disregard the tree, all the other traditional acts and emblems associated with it. Christmas is now becoming a celebration and a recognition of togetherness, an appreciation for what we all have. This day of comfort and joy is magical, it’s magical because of the traditions that are enrooted from long ago and that the story of the Birth is indeed beautiful. Though I very much admire these traditions, I just feel irresponsible to part-take in the religious festivities as I am not a Christian.

I must point out an interesting observation, why is it Cultural Christians gravitate towards the 25th of December and not Easter as much? As if we question the resurrection and not the birth? That might be one of the reasons why, as science and a society of non-religion is drilled further into our minds, becoming the norm of our time.

One of the highlights of Christmas is indeed the children. The magic that such an occasion can bring to both them and yourself is nothing short of delightful and uplifting. The power of the imagination can enlighten and guide them to infinite possibilities. However, what does make Christmas so magical for children? An unfortunate reality is that children today are subtly absorbed by materialism. A theory: even if these gifts are given with love and care, deep down it is still fuelling an appetite of something bigger and better, an expectation rather than an appreciation. Children crossing their fingers hoping for something grander than the previous. A mountain to climb every year, always wanting to exceed the last. To which it then becomes instinctual causing potential behavioural complications which may transcend into later life. Products are becoming more desirable and irresistible. Peers getting gadgets and toys before they do. Phones being given at the age of eleven simply because we want to bring smiles to their faces? We are moving and evolving faster than I think we anticipated, the children are surrounded by technology and if the pandemic has done anything, it has made us more engaged with our computers, smart phones and televisions. Christmas in its current form brings out our inner materialism and seeks to normalise it. Ironically worshipping consumerism more than Jesus himself. Overindulge in consumption to the point where we are only enriching ourselves and not others. Society becoming selfish, not selfless. Materialism devouring the fabric of what makes our country tick; becoming complacent, disregarding the current system and replacing it with new means and methods by blinding ourselves with plastic, circuits and metal. This time of year is too comforting to us, it is easy to slouch on the sofa and watch the adverts and see what’s popular. By following the trends like sheep, there will be no potential spark of originality and creativity? Christmas and the holidays should be a time where children can discover, relate, learn, create and be challenged, and not be drawn into the new conventionalities. By focusing on what Christmas should be about; togetherness, bonding, celebration and appreciation. Not excessive consumption, especially at such a tender and vulnerable age.

Though I am so scathing about Christmas in the early Twenty First Century, and being the Cultured Christian that I am, I like to think I could make Christmas better. What makes Christmas so exhausting for me is that it is essentially the same the same and the same. So yes, I can see you understanding my frustration and there you are asking: “what would you do differently then”? I would first try (desperately) to alternate my Christmases every year, which I am sure most families do, but I would try and do it with friends and family, or both if I was hosting. If I was hosting however; what’s wonderful about the magic of Christmas day is that people come with an excited energy. I would use the guest’s eager anticipation and overindulge responsibly by providing a party-like set up. There will always be a fancy dress theme where everyone has the opportunity to dress up. By having a buffet, this gives people far more flexibility and freedom, exercising around the room socialising, eating and drinking on the go (sitting down if they want to). Guests should bring a contribution to the buffet, whether that is playing to the typical themes of Christmas, or something totally different. Playing a variety of music catering to everyone’s needs. I stress, chairs are and should be minimal, everyone should be on their feet keeping the energy alive and ticking (my actor training in creeping in). Everyone should participate in all the activities including the children. Also introduce the children to the adult games if possible. Presents should take the least time and ideally we should all be in the same room. Presents should be affordable and kept below a certain price. For those with children, encourage them to see if they can help you purchase something for under £15 for the guests - pretend you’re working on behalf of Santa or something like that. Get them involved in the gifting process, make it inclusive! Allow their imaginations to grow and explore, make it humorous and fun! Segregation is quite possibly the worst thing that could happen, try and make everything accessible so no one is feeling left out. Keep the party going forever till they all get tired of course. Dance the night away, maintain the rhythm and get everyone bouncing in some capacity, old or young!

Also, every so often, if there is a possibility, try and see if you can visit different parts of the country or the world during the festive period, I am sure it will enrich the lives of your friends, family and indeed yourself.

Twas the night before Christmas, and there was joy finally to be sound…

27th December 2020

Tough restrictions meant once again we were essentially confined to our homes. I took this picture an hour and a half before midnight on New Years Eve. This image epitomises my entire year, capturing the darkness, swallowing me up as I stare into the camera feeling all melancholy inside. But fear not Joe, things are looking up. Those dark clouds are lifting and the sun will shine brighter. Onwards I say with a smile and a stare of determination and enthusiasm, it will be over soon.

1st January 2021

This is definitely the last one. Otherwise…

Stuck inside, again. Instead of tiers though, it’s a national quarantine. I cannot be bothered with this. Three weeks in and I am feeling so utterly lackadaisical and soaked with exhaustion. An overwhelming pointlessness surrounds the air. The public dead faced inhaling nothing; oxygen does not exist anymore, everything seems like it’s fading away.

Hope, what’s that?

It is taking so much effort just to write this. So this is all you’re getting, sorry. Fed up and drowning in cereal, do not help me.

28th January 2021

I was walking to Riddlesdown Common one day, my nearest green space. It is a beautiful stretch of countryside, originally a Roman road leading to Lewes in Sussex along the North Downs. In the distance as you arrive, you can see green stretching to Woldingham, along with views of Kenley opposite and Whyteleafe beneath the hills. Occasionally, cattle from Kent graze the grass and the sunsets are breath-taking. As you look to the left from the entrance, you can see the London skyline in its glory, I like to think we are the highest point of London? It is a very quiet place and peaceful for every visitor, or so it was…

Riddlesdown Common is managed by the City of London and is part of a collective know as the Coulsdon Commons, these also include Farthing Downs, Coulsdon and Kenley Commons where they have began to start charging for parking to these sites. To be frankly honest, I am quite saddened by this decision.

The local area is quintessentially suburban, predominately family orientated homes on the outskirts of London providing character and identity. What I find upsetting about this decision is the impending distance and rift this will create between the residence nearest to the common, like us. It feels like we’re a visitor in our own neighbourhood. Moreover, it feels quite contradictory to start charging drivers and families to venture to a green space, isn’t healthy living what is to be or has been encouraged? Especially during a pandemic; where shops and other recreational activities have all but closed, meaning escaping to our nearest green space is our only option. Yet, in order to get our fresh air and sustain our appreciation for nature, we must pay a pretty buck.

In light of these new measures, upon entering Riddlesdown Common now, you are greeted with a plethora of CCTV cameras obviously tracking those who don’t pay. This latest move is somewhat reflective of our digital age, a surveillance capitalism you could say.

I understand charging visitors will put more money aside for these spaces and yes we all want them to be well maintained. Sure the money has to come from somewhere, and what better gesture than to spend money on an area that you love. Though, the precedent this sets with all our public parks is concerning. Councils should be giving back to their communities, making it accessible for all who want to be around nature, not making it inconvenient. In this case, the City of London is a charity, surely it would be wise to advertise and appeal for donations rather than enforce? Drivers will be deterred, feeling alienated in their own communities and therefore, look elsewhere to walk their dogs and bring their families.

Saying that, I do not think most people will be phased by this, they will just happily get on with their lives and see the benefit. I too see the benefit, but I also see this as a catalyst; if other parks take hold of this scheme however, I can see the potential damage between the state and its people. It echoes what we are seeing with the pandemic; a distrust, separation and mounting tensions in our institutions. I would argue in this green age; our parks are like parliaments. Places where we gather, meet locals and embrace and respect our local wildlife. To now charge for drivers; is this the beginning and when will it end, us the public paying for entry to access the common? This is more philosophical than one would think.

These open spaces are bedrocks to communities like Riddlesdown, monetising them loses it’s intimacy and charm, it commodifies play and beauty when really these spaces should be for all at no cost, a principle I now hold dear.

22nd February 2021

During this quarantine, I found temporary employment in a Sainsbury’s supermarket, something of a relief I must say. It has allowed me to properly structure my days and give my weeks some movement and dare I say, enthusiasm. Interacting with so many people (even if they genuinely don’t care, and I assure you they don’t - even if you try) is exciting! I think just seeing so many different faces is just so satisfying when you have been told to stay indoors. So it feels like you’re breaking the rules and getting paid for it, but you’re not…

The job is definitely not what people expect, it’s minimal yet hard work. During the pandemic, your input is to essentially approve customer’s alcohol. Approving their little pleasures which grow and grow, blossoming into drunkards and melancholy slobs catching-up on Thursday night television. Snoring in the night inevitably, causing their partner to sleep on the sofa, then waking up to find a drop of red they spilt on the beige carpet you bought a couple of months ago.

There is obviously a bigger pressure on supermarket workers with above average numbers of customers walking through the door. I work in the customer experience department, where I am responsible for manning tills and assisting customers on the self-scanners. Tills are enjoyable when the customer makes an effort with you, and most of the time they do because they probably haven’t had many people to talk to in a while, from the sounds of things. However from this, people have shared their experiences and grievances surrounding the pandemic. What has struck a chord the most is hearing their incredibly sad stories of either themselves or loved ones being affected. Stories which vary from having contracted the illness and isolating, to death from Covid-19 or other causes. In most cases, particularly where customers had lost family, I felt my sympathy was not enough and occasionally I felt paralysed, unable to respond from the shock. And when I did, I felt it could not translate or compare to the magnitude of their suffering, that my words were insignificant. Customers sharing such experiences openly was indeed startling, particularly to the likes of me on a supermarket till.

This was an eye-opener. Feelings of emotion and a realisation; making us all question the true nature of this virus and its response by governments all over the world. It seems that in every aspect people have been taken, some before their time, a thought that genuinely brings a tear to my eye as I write.

28th February 2021

Rejoice!

On February the 22nd, the government unveiled a roadmap out of quarantine and forever out of this chaos. Normality beacons, we are so very close. Though for some, it will take sometime for people to readjust and return to the way everything was. Most of us are incredibly eager, especially those who have had their vaccine, signifying the near end of all this. Bouncing copiously with excitement until we hit the ceiling. Bursting through to see the light, eagerly grabbing the sun with both hands, then realising it’s boiling hot - referencing our enthusiasm and reinforcing the government’s cautious approach out of the restrictions. Though we can’t just immediately jump back into reality, even if we have seen a drop in cases and change in weather thus limiting the virus’ spread. Instead we have to tip-toe into the beginning we have once seen before. This phased and controlled way out protects all of us from entering these wicked quarantines, moreover it assists those who need time to mentally adapt to life again. I can’t complain!

12th March 2021

Today marks a year since we were first ordered to quarantine in our homes by the Prime Minister. A dark day looking back and many more to come. An adventure we all thought at first, when suddenly it all disappeared. Constantly told and reminded about death, it was swallowing us up. It was beginning of a revolution for some, a new future - and boredom for others. Whilst the introverts gleamed with joy, it blinded me, their happiness was my suffering.

So here’s to a year of this chaos. To think I thought this would be over soon. To think this was temporary hysteria. To think my outlook and many others has changed all through a single event, which has united the world.

A drop in the water can indeed change the rhythm of time. Although I just hope things can return to the way things were soon.

24th March 2021

This music however provides poetic justice to such times. I keep finding these kind of pieces! Their voices give such strength, beauty, optimism and hope.

24th March 2021

A New Heaven, The Sixteen, Harry Christopher, Universal Classics and Jazz - Charles Wood: O Thou the Central Orb

Over the course of the third quarantine, you were permitted to exercise with one other person. Before work usually I decided put on my tracksuit, hop on the train and visit my personal trainer. As everything starts to ease, we meet up twice a week where we build muscle and improve my physique. I travel to Deptford for our sessions and it is still desolate. Today it felt James and I were the only ones left, in the world.

For many months (and years embarrassingly), I have tried and tried to find the motivation to look and feel the part. I remember on many occasions in my room lifting weights, doing incorrect press ups and struggling to do thirty sit-ups. I kept telling myself that I would persevere, sadly thought it was not to be and I gave up. All this training provided me with much sanity and appreciation throughout these dull times. I am very grateful, my body has never felt greater!

As I write this, I have notice such change in my body but I have also feel different mentally. After the aching, there is much to be desired, this new confidence and wellness of which I encourage. I commented on this in a previous entry when I was doing small amounts of exercise last year. From this has emerged a new energy, a new ego that lifts me to heights of which I have never explored before. This gradual staircase has never felt so rewarding! Hard work does pay off and I reek of it - and yes, it’s smelly…

30th March 2021

And another anniversary: today marks a year since I started this blog and you’ll have to excuse the delay to this entry, it is unlike me to skip over an entire month. However, I am taking in the new sights and sounds. They seem new but obviously familiar - the sweet smell of 2019. From April 12th, indoor retail along with outdoor hospitality reopened with much excitement, myself included and so far I have indulged in this rather festive period of bathing amongst friends, sipping our beverages around pub tables, it’s a beautiful moment.

Moreover, the vaccination programme in the UK has indeed been a phenomenal success. I am amazed at the public’s enthusiasm towards the vaccine, a desperation to take the jab as if, in order to return to what was. The pending question is how will those who are unvaccinated will be treated? Is there a potential possibility that there will be a two tier society, are we capable to producing such a thing, is that something in our moral compass?

As we move forward, one needs to take a moment and understand what has been lost. I keep coming back to this - it is probably the most significant event that will ever happen in my life time. Well, I hope so, simply because I could not bare the thought of anything worse. Even during the war, you could depend on a hug and the intimacy of others, seek pleasure from the comfort of shops and pour booze down our guts in the splendid comfort and companionship of friends. To think we hid in our homes for months, and now no more, this is the end and I am certain of that.

To think the human touch has become forbidden. What kind of dystopia is this? Something so common and genuine, innocent even, has turned; seeking revenge as if. An evil has risen, and is still rising in other parts of the world, countries still mourning the loss of loved one in vast numbers from this disease with no near end in sight. Like what is happening in India at this present moment, cases rising exponentially with hospitals unable to cope with the numbers being admitted.

I coin this period the Great Sacrifice. Our freedoms, opportunities and communication have taken a seismic hit, one that will take years to recover from, if ever.

5th May 2021

Light gleaming through, the end is nigh. Sound horns and trumpets, fanfare across the town! Pray this hell will finally end soon.

10th May 2021

I had a hunch something would come along and disrupt everything, and indeed it did. Another variant known as the Delta, has cause a small third wave of infections across the country, particularly amongst the youth and young adults. It doesn’t appear to be causing much havoc, yet we have been subjected to another four weeks of restrictions before what people are calling “Freedom Day” on the 19th of July here in England. The vaccines are proving to be successful according to the statistics, making that trip to the club feel ever closer.

This delay is such a disappointment. I have been looking forward to the trains being packed again for some very peculiar reason. I enjoy the hustle and bustle and the lack of eye-contact of British rail journeys. One time I remember a gentleman obnoxiously eating an egg sandwich for breakfast, I was overwhelmed by the stench which flooded the carriage rammed with commuters. The tsunami that followed upon his arrival into the office I am sure would have hundreds fleeing for higher ground, colleagues crammed into one room as if. It’s a shame really, it’s these anecdotes that provide us with much humour upon meeting our dear friends in social settings, but since everyone wants to work from home now, what will I have to say about my morning commute now? Bob the ghost said hello to me on the 08:58 from Purley, riveting conversation eh?

The fact that the government have the ability to move the goal posts on when restrictions can be lifted is eyebrow-raising for me. It implies that this could essentially go on forever and ever. Although compliance will fade, patience is wearing thin, something every democracy cannot afford to lose. Confidence in the system will crumble if politicians keep changing their minds, putting into question the whole concept. Reading the mood, I am not sure if the public will tolerate this for too long, people want to take life into their own hands. It does feel like a tightrope.

On another note, I would be interested to see if people are turning to God over the cause of the pandemic as a means of stability? The perpetuance of death in the headlines makes some want to stretch their arms out for a Lord to provide comfort and security in a time of crisis. For me however, I have realise how precious time is, and how we value it, considering we have been sitting by our clocks throughout this pandemic. What is time exactly? Who or what is creating and capturing time itself? What around us influences time to excel and move ahead? I have been contemplating the role of something greater, who brought us here and gave us the foundations of life? These questions are bigger than all of us. The thought of being a mere coincidence who have fallen onto this chaotic planet, thriving with instinct, gradually uncovering the science forming our very existence occasionally do not sit well with me. We all contemplate whether there is something greater, yet the accuracy of science has changed the way we interact with our surroundings.

Being spiritual feels right in times like this, reaching out to those effected by this pandemic. A prayer can go a long way, an invisible hug as if. I doubt people believe this though, the role of God is losing significance amongst the western world and I wonder how our values will change in the future? Society has never function without the influence of God in the west, now it feels like we are about to witness a new world, with no God; what will replace it? I am not here to answer that, I am just here to provoke. Call me lazy but I just take the pictures.

20th June 2021

As restrictions were lifting back in April, the death of Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh was announced on the 11th of the same month. People were encouraged not to leave tributes for the Queen’s consort, but alas they choose to still pay their respects. This small single tribute I found was very poignant; tucked away, hidden yet dignified. Incredibly fitting and resembling the isolation and the grief of last year.

20th June 2021

Today marks the day we should be “free”, but it’s still lurking… We are all being encouraged to socialise outside. I wonder how long it will take for people to return to the way things were. The funny thing is I feel, when July the 19th comes, give it about three months and we probably would have moved on back to the way things were, never looking back! For the economy’s sake, also for our sanity’s sake, we are desperate for things to return. Take my hand and pull me into July please!

21st June 2021

Reunion

Walking through town has never felt so uplifting, people bustling and celebrating each other’s company, it is all so refreshing. Now with the end of these restrictions in sight, never, I hope, shall we be shunted, stripped naked and sacrificed, torn, flung and fed to the lambs. Life was meaningless, now though there is an appetite for adventure and a return to what was normal.

Normal, we’ve been stamping our feet demanding it! We humans adapt to what is familiar, we cling on to it like a child and its teddy bear. Routine is comfortable and makes our existence more pleasurable and convenient, from our economy to culture. Although, this was taken away from us back in March last year. The aspects we depended on for security and sustainability was sacrificed and we retreated, hid whilst some were banging on the windows. Now I fear if that has and will become the new normal?

People have called the 19th of July “Freedom Day” as I mentioned in an earlier post. What this tragically implies is that whilst yes our freedoms indeed were taken, it suggests that they are somewhat disposable and not inherent, something that cause great concern to me.

I fear of this ever happening again. Knowing the government now has the capability of imposing such a dystopian concept and normalising it. Therefore, ideology should pave the way of our existence with a balance and an understanding of risk, exposing the concerns of the disease and impose guidelines on the best ways of not contracting the illness, whilst maintaining what we were doing before the quarantines. After all, governments are here for us to reach a particular quality of life right? Or so you would think, if locking us in our homes was the right decision or not, time will tell... Once again, it calls in to question the role of government. Was it not the British who once believed and championed the individual and distributed this across the world? I thought it was the Conservative Party who wanted to conserve, not impose or interfere. There’s a bitter taste of philosophical conflict, backbenchers venting, condemning, furious with what we have become.

How can we live in a United Kingdom when we ourselves cannot be united on fundamental concepts? Our culture, values and ideas that are engrained in our blood, surrendered. Are the foundations of Britannia slowly being erased, and for what, protectionism and security? There’s a smell coming from across the pond, I believe there might be a constitution brewing…

Like it or not, the way we live has changed, forever. We have now witnessed, or still witnessing, a world where governments impose national quarantines on their people. Mandatory mask wearing or face fines or imprisonment and regulations on the number of people we see inside our own homes. We now know and have observed the government’s power and control over their populous. The role of government is being challenged and this is where the greatest debate and from this therefore, we will see a greater divide amongst our people. This is only the catalyst my friends, politicians have more powers than we ever imagined. Do you have control over your life or destiny, or shall you let the state continue to dictate what you can and cannot do - Does the state know better and how far should they intervene in our everyday lives? Most importantly though, has our trust in government been breached considering simple freedom have become ever so precious, and for what? These are very serious questions we should be asking ourselves now and in the future, considering we could be seeing more pandemics possibly in my life time. Who knows…

However, now I am enjoying time with friends, goodbye.

10th July 2021

From the 19th of July, many freedoms once again were granted to the British populous. All businesses could reopen, wearing a face covering is not mandatory in all premises and social distancing scrapped. The glass is becoming much clearer, though the window is still locked. There is still some time before we can return to what it was!

For international travel, the government set out a guide on which territories we could travel to freely, or not. Those countries in the Red List for instance, require us to quarantine upon our arrival home at a government selected hotel for 10 days, even if you have had the vaccine. Although if you were visiting a country in the Green List, you were able to arrive home without the need to quarantine or take any Covid-19 tests.

I decided to visit my friend in Spain for a couple of days. At the time, Spain was on the Amber List, which originally meant that I would of had to quarantine at my own home for 10 days and take specific Covid-19 tests selected by the government. However, from the 19th of July, if you were fully vaccinated and were travelling to any Amber List country, you need not quarantine when you arrive home but only take a so-called Day 2 Test (it’s in the name).

Despite the mind-numbing heat, what is so magical about Spain is how the light moves on the buildings, forming shapes and compositions I have never seen before. Perfectly complimenting the architecture and illuminating the landscape. So simple, yet so beautiful. I spent many moments whilst I was on my own observing how in the dusk the sun moved, painting these unique angles on buildings which blended with the local aesthetic. Turning a corner and being surprised by what I might see next. The shapes fitted into place like a jigsaw, razor sharp like they were dripping with blood, a truly unique sighting. It made me appreciate exploring the world once again, something we were all so accustom to before the pandemic. This performance felt like a luxury, the Mediterranean's Northern Lights.

I cannot help but think these displays were something we all experienced during the quarantine as we watched the days change to night, as if time was visualised. The sun gleaming onto our walls late evening casting golden glows that make us dreary and know its bedtime soon, hypnotic as if. For all to be repeated the next day, again and again - don’t remind me.

Very impressive, thank you Espanola!

31st July 2021

Spain made face coverings compulsory when outdoors at the beginning of the pandemic. Since June 26th though, it is now not a legal requirement to wear face coverings outside. When I was visiting, many people still kept wearing face coverings in the fresh air, which I personally found astonishing. It was nearly 40 degrees everyday whilst I was there and traditionally, Sevillians returns to their homes between the peak hours to cool down, it is honestly impossible to move. Yet the people that I saw continued to practise these rules even though they were not enforced by government. It demonstrates the behaviours of each respective population and what they deem is right or wrong in such circumstances. It did call in to question for me the historical and cultural differences between the United Kingdom and Spain and the values of which the common culture is so protective of. This pandemic has uncovered an ideological warfare which could influence outcomes in generation to come.

31st July 2021

Back in July, the number of people you could have at a wedding and funeral was lifted, meaning as many people as possible could attend. Events such as these that were common practise, had become somewhat abnormal and forbidden. The restrictions became so engrained in our minds that we had forgotten how we once interacted. Caution was thrown out the window, restrictions disappeared, the air was sweet and the blossom flowed plentifully, no trace of the virus in sight. No fear, no angst, nothing. Joy roamed and filled the sky both morning and night.

During the wedding, it made me think: we must collectively move on. The prospect of this virus being eliminated is minuscule, its out there breathing, feeding of surfaces naked to the human eye. And your constant paranoia will not help us on your journey, our journey out! To create a better quality of life for all of us. Fear never wins in circumstances such as these, so lets not be quashed by this bug, we instead must squash the anxiety out of our lives! Let us move on together, forever otherwise this culture shall demolish our accomplishments as we take two steps back and suddenly fall off the cliff, which leads to the darkest of corridors never to find the light again.

Oh light; how I cradle your generous and glorious glow, your irresistible persuasion and negotiation guiding us to the right path, lit ever so bright like geniuses talking aloud - you’re never wrong! I can now see my old footsteps, why I turned back I’ll never know. Retracing my steps, approaching what was and never looking behind me. Why now light, why have you only just emerged? Your poetry kept distant when we all needed it most. You were missed and now you’re back doing what you do best, provide those beams of hope - well that was cringe. Yuck.

13th August 2021

How I succumb to these tunes that send the hairs on my arms spiralling…

13th August 2021

O Lord, the Maker of all things, William Mundy. The Cambridge Singers, directed by John Rutter. 2006 Collegium

Exercise and recreation defines my summer, along with work of course. The weather has been simply miserable throughout August. what on earth have we done to deserve this? It’s tragic really that I remember the last summer being so utterly beautiful, yet tainted by this illness. Now everything is really swinging; from Whitstable to Penge, people bustling and interacting with one-another, energy remaining high! Positivity piercing through and crowds gathering momentum retuning to old times and reminiscing on life before the collective shift, the alternating air turning the tables flipping life upside-down.

I must say however, it has been a somewhat uneventful summer, the urge to travel is intense, but made so difficult and expensive and therefore unwise to do so. Maybe later in the year… Maybe. I always use to be a winter boy, preferring the colder months. Something I think most of us Brits are use to and in some ways, prefer? I doubt that to be honest, we hug the sun - hang on, why am I talking about the bloody weather again? How many times have I spoken about our climate throughout this blog?! Right, no more, I am fed up. It’s boring and I am sure you agree? I am aware it is fairly common for British folk to mention the weather seeing as I guess it is quite unpredictable. Which I guess makes us super weird and quirky, right? Right guys? … No I am not that strange, ha. Haha…

Help?

24th August 2021

I smell trouble - it can’t be true, It’s all too good. I am going about as if everything as if nothing ever happened. Simply removing all these restrictions has made it seem this last year was a dream, a blip in our repetitive lives. Long I hope they do not reappear, although it is interesting to observe how out of respect people are still wearing masks on public transport. I remember this particular incident where a gentleman had no mask on, saw someone sit opposite him, he then put his mask on. A couple of minutes later, he decides to remove it whilst the other was still sitting opposite him. Totally oblivious he put it on in the first place as if. The poor guy, trapped in his own intellect.

My suspicion is that this will not last. There is something haunting me, lurking in the back. Digging into my shoulders with its contaminated nails, breathing heavily and speaking silently licking it’s lips. Excited at the prospect of the return of restrictions, confinements, sorrow, scratches and scars bloodier than before. Please prove me wrong! If anything, this entire saga has made us all realise how incredibly short our time is. So grasp it and suck on it like a juicy mango. Though don’t dig in too far; the stone will get you and break your teeth - can’t live of soup for your entire life?

One thing is for sure, you cannot wear a mask dancing and I have been doing a lot of that these past couple of weeks. I say dancing, I mean clubbing and weddings; an exhausting combination. I have missed it tremendously and regrettably, I haven’t been to venues where I can photograph. However, one venue did permit my camera…

13th September 2021

Over the many entries, you may have notice a consistent theme of death and remembrance, depicted through memorials and graves. It is a constant reminder that whilst the vast majority of us have been tucked up at home through the worst of the pandemic, some unlucky individuals have caught this illness and died. These pictures are a tribute to them and their struggle as I am sure they leave behind thousands of memories; precious and endearing, many to warm the hearts of millions.

Notice how I photograph both War and local graves, both represent the varying scale of this disaster. The heroic effort made by those on the front line; the ones fighting, defending and holding the fort. Supporting the patients, offering a hand of love, helping them heal from the blight that is Covid-19 and putting themselves ultimately in harm’s way to win this battle - if its a battle that can be won?

And then the victims of course, the ones who’s peace was the loudest during the peak of this crisis, those disturbing months. Our hearts went out to them.

How do you document an invisible killer, especially one that latches on to you when you least expect? How does a photographer visualise it? Well, photographing graves maybe obvious, yet it is the most effective in these dark circumstances as it significantly changes the mood. Particularly your local cemetery, somewhere so close and personal. Not forgetting we have spent the last eighteen months confined to our neighbourhoods, the sense of community is stronger than ever before - bounded by one thing though: death, and the fear of it.

27th September 2021

I have been thinking a lot about home recently, the security it brings unlike anywhere else. It’s irresistible cosiness and protection - what do you cry for when you feel ill, lonely or experience any other discomfort? To think over the quarantine I lost the appreciation of the home and became bored of talking to the same walls and listening to the creeks of the floorboards, making the same music - shame you couldn’t dance to it, we all needed a bit of rhythm back in our lives!

Yet there are many who might have attached themselves too much to their homes. Staying locked inside for work and play, they see convenience in not venturing out after the quarantines - why should I bother, what did fresh air ever do for me they say? If this pandemic has taught me anything, it is to knock down the walls, plant the seeds of ambition and let the sights soars for miles and miles! The days of constant dwelling and overthinking are over, now is the time we start doing once again. It’s the only way we can make life better for ourselves.

Is there a reluctance to venture out, enjoy the sweet airs and build new stepping stones, or are we slow to start it back up again, maybe not having the same enthusiasm as before? Have we become too comfortable and safe being at home, or has this pandemic exposed a new-founded human, revealing aspects of our lives that we did not think existed? Again this convenience and comfort the pandemic has bought may overwhelm us in ways we probably never imagined. Leaving us with changed personalities, scared by isolation. The home has felt nothing more than a prison during the last year or so than a sanctuary.

My eagerness for leaving home however has made me run towards experiences I thought I’d never do, like learning to drive. I have always been so scared. My pessimism has now turned into optimism, the glass is overflowing simply because of being locked up inside. The motivation has never felt stronger and I feel this new energy will be with me for life! Never shall I stay stuck behind closed doors.

On my Mum’s birthday, we visited Standen near East Grinstead. A beautiful late Victorian property with such taste and space, it’s well maintained corridors and their wooden fixtured hugging the walls, starring at you as you wonder from room to room. Long windows glaring down on you as if the Holy One has called for you to say ‘you’re next...’ Imagine living there during the quarantines; a surprisingly cosy yet vast house, mysterious but also cold at times. I dread to think how I would turn out afterwards.

I thought whilst I was there: what makes our homes desirable and safe? For me it is the people inside that make a home. That feeling of being loved from within your walls. From this, the personalisation and creativity comes through, the ideas that erupt when styling and forming your property amongst your loved ones, a wholesome collaboration. Home is also a space where you can truly be yourself with no outside judgement, essential during the quarantines for sanity’s sake. In the UK, it is a core concept to own your home, it is so irresistible to the British. The investment and care when personalising a home and the protection it brings, sheltering friends, family, while also showing trust. The home is something we hold even dearer to our hearts.

As much as I want to leave home now, I cannot help but think about what it has done for me and help define my existence, something I will be forever grateful for. Annoyingly it makes me want to keep coming back, I guess this is a thank you to Mum and Dad for providing such an incredible space.

The legacy of the pandemic for the majority of us is indeed our home. It has changed the way we engage with, well pretty much everything. So, now what, is the future at home? What is home now and how has it been redefined? It is funny that I am asking these questions now after the peaks of the pandemic… I’m going to bed.

27th September 2021

Omicron

Everything was going smoothly throughout October and November, until an interruption to procedures. Our blissful season of life returning to what it was has been halted by a new variant of Covid-19, dubbed Omicron. According to the latest studies, it seems to be the fastest spreading mutation of the virus to date. Whether it is more deadly at this point in time is unknown, but from the evidence, it suggests that it is a relatively mild virus which could prove to be beneficial for developing herd immunity across the UK and the world.

For the first time throughout this pandemic, I am anxious. The speed at which this variant is spreading is quite extraordinary. Many of my friends have been diagnosed recently and I fear, am I next?

I guess, selfishly, I find this more frustrating as the rhythm of life was somewhat returning, now it is hanging in uncertainty again. The thought of catching this and isolating for ten days kills me, whilst society gets on with living again with everything open; people trying to enjoy themselves like they once use to. Whilst there I’ll be stuck in March 2020 looking beyond the smudged glass. It’s unbearable to contemplate. Though I guess it is best to be cautious at this point in time, we are still digesting what this variant is.

Before this realisation, my parents hosted a family pre-Christmas party, which was fantastic! It was beautiful to be amongst the relations in one room once again. To think, at the party I didn’t even consider how quickly this new variant could travel, and now two days later, my perspective has totally shifted. Thinking was that party on Sunday a good idea?

A vigilance has engulfed me in a way which I never thought possible. Not a paranoia, yet, most likely not. I just look forward to the day when I can experience gatherings like these again without thinking of Omicron. Let that be soon…

15th December 2021

En-route to London this morning, I was struck by this majestic glow lighting up my home town. It’s a shame that many other commuters weren’t able to experience this view as Omicron takes hold. The government has recommended that people work from home until infections reduce, leaving me and a few others to enjoy this glorious display.

22nd December 2021

Throughout the pandemic, graffiti such as this has popped up across London and probably throughout the entire country. Admiration of the National Health Service is hung from every house still even after the most dangerous points of the pandemic. The faint white cross dashed across the heart however stuck out, showing the divisions this seismic moment in world history has brought. Though the cross has faded, it is still visible, like a scar - one of which we all bare.

27th December 2021

Mum tested positive for Covid-19 this morning. It was quite a shock at first, then the inevitable disappointment as today we should be with our extended family, literally right now as I write this! She only took the test as a precaution, a wise decision Mum.

She is symptomless - well I say that, Mum did have a sore throat three days ago on Boxing day which healed after a day, otherwise she’s fit and upbeat, with drops of confusion and irritation here and there.

This morning we were totally unsure as to what to do, all of us. Do we stand away from her, point to the back-bedroom and say bye-bye - see you in a week?! Feed her through the cracks in the door, masks in the house, deep clean the house, I could honestly go on and on! We did however strategized self-isolation during the first quarantine if one of us caught it and we are sticking to that.

Tragically we are all confused; of course we all ask ourselves how on earth did Mum catch this? And going by reports, it seems that we, dad and I, will most certainly get infected, or not, who knows. This virus has a mind of its own and it’s totally unpredictable, not to my liking and everyone else’s.

29th December 2021

As expected…

I got it. I got the bug. Sore throat, that was it. I only had it for two days then the symptoms cleared.

I stayed in for New Year because of this and I had been testing negative, until New Years Day. It is weird, I felt absolutely fine other than this sharpness in my throat. To think if it was the common cold, I’d be getting on with my life, we would all be getting on with our lives.

I had to isolate for 10 days as I kept testing positive, even though I felt totally fine. Honestly however, the experience was rather convenient, it reminded me a lot of the first quarantine in March 2020 where I was essentially tidying up and getting a lot of my work organised. So I am afraid to say, there is not much to report other than I coin this period rather practical; the practical quarantine you may call it? A sigh of disappointment I hear? You’d thought I would be far more creative during these times? Although I do like to think I could have been more imaginative, but honestly it was I would say a rather bland time, I disappointed myself.

Moreover I did not take pictures through the whole period. You’d honestly think: this journal is all about Covid-19; I’ve caught it and here I am not documenting it - are you mad Joseph?! The answer is no - and yes, but mostly no. What was there to document that was different from what I had already experienced back when we all had to quarantine? There was no real justification to photograph and to photograph what exactly? I could have just made it up for the camera to make it seem so interesting for you all, that would not have felt right, no one wants a fraud in their midst. So you are stuck with bland-o Joe.

So, here is a portrait of me doing pretty much what I did throughout the self-isolation period, a re-enactment essentially. A chance to get creative thrown out the window, to be consumed by work and the computer, overwhelmed with plentiful exhaustion. My mind kept calling every night at eleven o’clock; “to bed, to bed; sleep kill those pretty eyes, and give as soft attachment to thy senses, as infants empty of all thought”.

15th January 2022

Final Entry, 24th February 2022 - end of restrictions

Looking Back…

We have reached a point where people are returning to the way things once were. Confidence has trickled back into society and there is an upbeat sensation roaming the air, along with a smell of optimism and motivation, and perspiration - things never change. An energy lifting people higher and neglecting the last two years, as if we forgot it all happened. Or that people just want to get on and move on, fair enough I say!

From here onwards, I will be sharing feelings and stories from friends, asking them about their experiences from the peaks of the pandemic and how it affected them. Personal anecdotes flooding the page, varying accounts and memoires from this extraordinary time.

Lily: well the pandemic was difficult for everyone.

Kenneth: it was quite difficult yeah - I took advantage of the open roads, of the scarcity of human beings outside of the household environment.

Lily: basically he was an Uber bike rider.

Kenneth: it was really nice-

Lily: I went to my brothers, down south which was actually quite enjoyable. Did I find love? No, not at this point. It was quite difficult to do online dating-

Kenneth: the fashion disasters I saw all over London. You heard that right now! I saw outfits with face coverings-

Lily: anyway no-

Kenneth: embarrassments-

Lily: that’s not what he’s asking you!

Kenneth: what is he asking about?

Lily: how we met during the pandemic. We met on Clapham Common, when we were just coming out of the kinda like the last lockdown. And everyo- clubs weren’t open yet, but bars-

Kenneth: but the real party animals were out there-

Lily: but yeah on Clapham Common, there were people out with speakers - there were loads of people. I saw Kenneth and he grabbed me he said hi Lily, took a selfie with me with his - I was actually asking his friend for a lighter. And then, he grabbed me give’d me the biggest smile ever. Then I ran, I kinda separated - I ran over to my friend Kate and I said oh my god I’ve met the most beautiful boy ever. And then yeah-

Kenneth: it was in the night time, there was low visibility and the music was blazing out. It was one of the biggest community efforts I’ve seen through out the entire pandemic.

Lily: we’ve never left each other basically since then. But also I just want to add to that I had almost given up on love. I was at the end of my dating experi - I was like, this is it, fuck everything, deleted all the apps, didn’t want anything to do with apps. And then Kenneth came!

Kenneth: I had suffered also independently, I suffered with the predicament of being a young healthy man being locked down in an environment with a younger brother, who chats shit on the internet 24/7. My frustration my stress and anxiety was being contained by laws that made no sense. Even though I rolled around London, I came home lonely and cold. I saw less women than I saw plates in my kitchen -

Lily: but then we found each other!

“Lockdown was full of, me; picking up new skills and trying to figure out if none of this performing and theatre happens ever again - what would I do? How will I be able to contribute to society? I guess it challenged me to think outside of my career.”

When I sit alone -

I imagine I’m inside of another persons life,

their dialogues plural circulating, 

I think of phrases, styles of speech - 

usually I'm amidst an elderly couple - 

bickering. 

Caught at a inapropriate time - 

Strecthing out my mouth, in unusual shapes I begin to sound their shaddow lives, 

imaginary beings 

where things are between making sense - and being of articulation. 

MILDRED: an acute sense of time. 

MRS ELLONOR: pictorial passing, 

the light disorientates the viewer , 

                          she asks where did the story come from 

MRS ELLONOR: mildred? 

  she asks where did the story come from

MRS ELLONOR: did it come in through the front door 

through the cat flap ? 

or ceiling

Mildred it , occurs to me as something I am not known - 

a looping matter, a character familiar 

the mixtures are unusual misshapen and made up 

inside and outside 

how do the people beyond this place,  find their names, and their families 

and sense of age 

the children on the corner are whispering closer now, 

their faces giant - 

they say, Mrs Ellenor - its me 

don't you remember me 

Mrs Ellenor 

                         where do they follow

                   to allow a gesture to shape and image

where did your gaze come from

what is it made off, which language - 

how you looking 

centers no knowledge 

transfixed of sense 

a history without lamentation 

a history of lines and number, shape, easel, chalky coloured fabric 

material wasting. 

how do we look like a time

it is too narrow to know

MILDRED: you could not see, you could make up the colours on your street

MRS ELLONOR: see here mildred 

I have been here for too long 

its novel 

which ideal of wonderment 

over from under the light-shade, 

the song came from lands she knew 

from other tribal passings -

shepherds, weavers and other musical creatures 

all gathered in the dim 

disordered as a species - 

rhythmic in the pulsing lands - centred as a frame 

flattened 

growing smaller 

slowly now, 

catch it in your hands 

self desires upon exhausted spatial deficits - 

beyond domestic dwellings - 

beyond walls and the flesh of the home 

spored  

environmental  

static 

builds the image of a landscape, 

MILDRED: when we sleep we sleep in England, 

when I speak I speak of nobody

silently where we go - 

the bodies in the fat without skin 

made of rubber and ivory and bone 

my eyelids swell as it sears in memory 

my stomach does not stutter, 

we fall inside a fabric 

longing

loosing material 

did something end?

Leave it alone Mrs Ellonor - 

come a while under the mantle 

sit beneath the space of loosing time completelty 

beyond the window there. 

“The absence of partying was hard because, well to be fair when it first started it wasn’t too hard, I didn’t seem to go out much anyway prior to that, I was in a long term relationship. I was being boring because of my break-up during lockdown, that was hard. I then wanted to have this new-found single life, and go and like, go out to all the queer clubs and dance and enjoy myself, but wasn’t able to. So I wasn’t able to do what newly single people experience.

A lot of the time we would just kinda create our own little parties at home, trying anything we could do to dance, dancing was the thing I miss the most. And also Lady Gaga’s album Chromaticia came out during lockdown, which was something that really really got me through. But it was such a dancy album and know it would have been come out at the clubs the day it released, everyone going wild for it!

I remember one of the first things I went to that was public that was during the summer of last year when things were starting to get a bit more open and they were telling people to go out and I went to a drag show. The whole way through they were like please; stay sat down in your seats, don’t get up, don’t sing along, don’t clap, don’t dance, follow all these rules ‘cause it was all quite new, like being out in the public again. So, everyone was being wary of the rule and the last thing they did of the show was they played Rain on Me by Gaga and Ariana Grande and the whole room just couldn’t contain themselves and we just all got up and went mental. I remember just feeling the sense of like, oh my god we’re back, we’re here, we found it again and I almost cried out of pure happiness, to see my friends around me just having the best time and just going wild to fun amazing pop music!

But lockdown happened again. Then another year later, I had to wait to go out again. My first night out was Lightbox, I went to a really intense house and techno night and it just felt so special. It felt like London had changed. I remember in the old days - not the old days - pre-covid I remember London always being a bit like, not aggressive but just like it wasn’t the most, especially big house night, not the most friendly places, but every single person was just almost in disbelief that we were there. It was that novelty, there was a novelty again of going out for the first time, there was this novelty of oh my god we’re out; we are amongst people, we’re sweating, we’re dancing, we’re letting loose! And then I also went to some festivals, and it was the same thing just all these people in disbelief! I was looking around and seeing people keep looking at their friends like oh my god can you believe it?! Can you believe we’re here?! That was something I will never forget this summer, I will never forget the feeling of being like, we’re back, we’re here, we are amongst ourselves again, we are amongst other partiers!

Not being allowed it, has allowed me this rediscovery of why I love going to parties and what they do for me.”

“My birthday last year was a very strange affair, it was just before the lockdown was announced in early 2021. Everyone wasn’t sure what was going to happen, whether we would go into lockdown - we were told we could have Christmas, but not shorty after my birthday, Christmas got cancelled as everyone remembers. So this year, I was adamant that I was going to have a birthday celebration and it wouldn’t be in some crazy Christmas fear of not being able to see your friends and family. So I decided to celebrate my birthday in November this year, as well as a very belated house-warming because we moved into a new house during lockdown as well in 2020. So a crazy year and having my birthday in November was amazing where most of my friends and family could come. It was a beautiful celebration of being together and having fun and doing all the things that you’re meant to do in your twenties; just being with the people you love most and it was so joyful to do that together!

It’s funny because now, my real birthday is coming up and it’s again surrounded by fear and questions around what you should and shouldn’t be doing to be safe. So it makes it even more special that we got to have a celebration and have a party, and everyone was okay afterwards. I hope that my birthday next year won’t be surrounded by all of this, but at this point we just don’t know do we?”

“She demands that she’s fed every two hours now, because she’s got use to it. She now wakes me up at five thirty in the morning for breakfast…”

“I had covid in September, I tested positive on the 3rd and I remember because it was Ben’s birthday on the 5th of September. I had a really fun weekend planned of going to two festivals and his birthday party and I just had to stay at home, it was very sad. I wasn’t ill or anything of the covid itself - I could hear, ‘cause Ben lives just behind my place, I could hear the party from my window.

I probably caught it at work, because I work on a respiratory ward at the Royal United Hospital in Bath, so there is a lot of covid going around. We wear PPE and stuff but I think I probably caught it there, it was inevitable, I think all of us nurses have had covid at this point. And I had been double vaccinated.

Work is stressful, but it is quite amazing. I stated in July, so I had already done a year of the pandemic and then going into the respiratory wards where all the covid patients are, it felt like you were going behind the scenes of life!”

“I guess it all started when I lost my job. My plan was to move back home with my parents but then mum and dad decided to move abroad. I was at the end of my house contract so I had a month left to find work and a place to live, otherwise I was living in my aunt’s shed. I applied for loads of jobs - I’ve always wanted to move north, I was quite tired of London and the pandemic highlighted that and I just decided to go. I had a couple of weeks turnaround, pack my stuff up and move to Manchester.

It’s really weird to move to a new city in a pandemic. Nothing was open, I spent six months with someone I didn’t know in a house I had seen online, in a new area where I didn’t know anyone, I had no friends in Manchester.

Before the pandemic, you had to go travel to interviews. So to do an interview online and to get a job and to be able to move is a privilege.

I was really curious because when I was here, I didn’t know where I’d be eating, I didn’t know where was good to go. When things opened up again, I made a subconscious effort to meet new people and its great! I love Manchester, and it welcomed me at a time when I really needed it.”

“I started at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama in 2019 and I was nervous the whole time I was there. My first few performances weren’t very good when I started, it was so overwhelming. I came from Trinity Laban, so I had a bit of imposter syndrome and it was very intense, especially when you have to get up and perform in front of everyone. My first few performances did not show who I really was, but over the Christmas break I started to feel a bit more confident and then in January I hit the ground running. I was playing much better, I was more self-assured; practising a lot more in the building rather than hiding at home.

And then of course, the pandemic hit and I was quite upset. In the first few days of the lockdown, all the concerts which I had got cancelled and in January of 2020, I’d been quite good with organising myself, so there was a lot planned and I was very excited. Concert after concert got cancelled, one I was really upset about was at Charlton House. They have this wonderful grand piano and the concert was going to be filmed... Anyway.

So my life is now not about preparing for concerts. The first couple of weeks of the lockdown were pretty intense, you start to re-evaluate your life and I started to think so what should I do? I saw a lot of people saying ‘arh this is perfect, I don’t have to worry about concerts. I can just focus on the repertoire I want to do and I can study.’ I did not feel the same, not naturally, and over the beginning of the lockdown, I really struggled to practise. For the first month or two I didn’t practise properly, I would struggle to do half an hour of sitting down at the piano. So I came up with a routine, part of the routine is that I would learn the last three Beethoven Sonatas - I already know one of them which is Op. 110. It’s one of the greatest pieces ever written it’s just incredible. It goes to heaven and back in twenty minutes.

I thought I’d play the one just before it Op. 109, this is an amazing piece of music and it would take me a year probably to do and Op. 111 the one after Op. 110 - let me explain: they go Op. 109, Op. 110 and Op. 111. The latter is a very deep work, I have never played it but I did play it a bit when I was a child, well teenager - my mum hated me practising it. She said it was annoying so I didn’t rehearse much and I have never really been drawn to play it as an adult. I couldn’t learn the Sonatas in one go, so I thought I’d do the Bagatelles, Op. 126 instead. So over the lockdown I decided to play Sanata Op. 109, Op 110 and the Bagatelles, Op 126.

At that time I was playing Brahms as well, but mostly it was Beethoven every single day. Beethoven has always been the most important composer to me in terms of the work that I do. The bond strengthened even further because every single day there was nothing to do except practise Beethoven. You’d watch the Coronavirus briefing and I’d always have a nap with my cat Mick in the afternoon and then force myself to practise. Those were the early days of the pandemic for me, in fact that was the whole of 2020 for me, just kept telling myself to keep practising a lot.

Just keep playing, keep practising. When there’s a pandemic, keep playing, no pandemic keep playing. No concert keep playing, concert keep playing. Just keep practicing!

“In a time of crisis, there are two ways you can go: you either sink or you learn to swim. The pandemic for me made me go deep spiritually. I disconnected my self from negative distractions such as pornography and alcohol, and focus more on finding peace from within. I stumbled across these guys in a park who were fighting without contact in a dance like fashion. Accompanied by the sounds of what looks like a one string guitar and a coconut shell at the bottom. I’d never seen anything quite like it. This was my entry into the martial art form, Capoeira Angola.

I never had the patience for yoga, but this took me away to a different place. Making me learn new things about my body, with all my senses heightened. I guess this was my form of movement meditation, that kept me sane in and amongst the doom and gloom.”

“I was living in Israel during the pandemic in Jerusalem - you know Shabbat? Like every Friday evening to Saturday evening is the day of rest. So like, there’s no cars, no shops and at some points of time during the pandemic, everyday was like Shabbat. So the lockdowns aren’t really that foreign for Israelis in a way. For other people in the world though; for a Londoner or for people that live in cities that never sleep it must have been difficult.

The extraordinary became ordinary, the pandemic really revolutionise a lot of aspects of our lives. We have started to live differently and I think these changes will be for good, some of these changes… It makes me nervous.”

“The funniest part of it really was seeing people when we reopened the pub. Each time we came back from lockdown there was a different feeling; so we had to close three times, when we reopened the first time it felt like V-Day! I remember opening up and before the pub opened at eleven - putting the table out and stuff and the people walking past were like ‘oh good on ya mate! Good to see you going again!’ Everyone’s just buzzing, people congratulating you and stuff! That was the first day of reopening in July 2020. It was carnage that day, the regulars were there at eleven fifty-five and everyone got so wasted, it was a proper party atmosphere!

It was completely different the third time we reopened, the last time, people got their pint and they were so grateful. They were holding their pint being like “thank you so much”, they were all being so sincere - ‘this is actually really lovely’, you know? That was fun to see, the different kinds of ways of - I dunno what happened between the first and the third one that made people change from that party - lets go fucking nuts!”

“During the lockdown, working at a fishmongers was very busy. ‘Cause people weren’t able to go out to restaurants and go out for a Saturday night meal, everyone would go and buy a nice bit of fish and go home and cook for themselves, it was absolutely mental! Everyday was just full of customers. But it was fun, fun - nice, exciting.

Just being able to work was the best part, rather than being at my house all day doing nothing. I was able to come work and earn a bit of dosh which is nice! So being able to have that and be active was the best thing about it.”

“It was a fierce and bitter strife
Away Santiana
The general Taylor took his life
Along the plains of Mexico

Well, heave her up and away we'll go
Away Santiana
Heave her up and away we'll go
Along the plains of Mexico

Santiana, now we mourn
Away Santiana
We left him buried off Cape Horn
Along the plains of Mexico”

Santiana, by The Longest Johns

“I didn’t know at first that Miray got covid, but one day she sent me a voice message - we hadn’t spoken for a while and she told me she caught covid. She was hospitalised and her conditioned worsened quickly. she was later connected to an oxygen tube which alarmed us all. She’s my only family here in Istanbul, my best friend, my cousin, everything I love her so much.

We didn’t have vaccines back then and Miray caught the original virus that caused all these deaths. So I actually thought she might have died because there was no communication. It was an incredibly tense time. Eventually she got better but it took her a long time to fully recover. Her breathing was really weak even two months after she caught it.

Covid was a big realisation for Miray. It change her - I could easily see the change, I saw how she started to appreciate even the smallest things. From water to commuting to work, everything felt so precious and watching Miray after covid was life changing for me, yet alone her.

I just want her to be happy because Miray deserves the world and I hope she finds what she deserves, like all of us.”

“The pandemic was quite a lonely period where it felt you were disconnected from people. I guess going to that spot in Ally Pally allowed me to meet up with my friends in an area that was familiar and was easy to get to. It flipped the switch in that it gave me and others a lot more appreciation to just sit somewhere with someone, having a conversation as oppose to always feeling like you have to be doing something with them. It taught me to enjoy the silences with people that I love.

On my excursions, I use to see this guy walking his dog everyday. We went from not saying anyway to the nodding of each others heads and then ended up having a conversation every time we saw each other. It was quite a slow-burner, it took a few months of bumping into each other with his dog and then me with my dog. What was his name, Stan? Can’t remember - or that was the name of his dog, yeah it was - I remember thinking why have you given your dog a human name? I don’t understand that stuff.”

Liv: Because nothing was open, and that we didn’t have any nearby outlet to the house, the only place we could go was the big shopping centre way up the road. On the way to the shop though, in the park was a ping-pong table. So I, drunkenly, bought ping-pong paddles and balls and we played ping-pong everyday.

Noelle: There were four of us in the house at the time, all from different countries. So it was Ireland vs. Australia vs. Sweden vs. the USA.

Liv: Yeah and Ireland fucked off cause obviously, Ireland had to forfeit… So then it was us three and it was always Philip winning.

Noelle: Phillip always won! And Liv always lost.

Liv: I didn’t I didn’t - I did well sometimes. Sometimes…

Noelle: You won like, once.

Liv: That’s a lie!

Noelle: Alright - Liv and I did have a hobby which we did over the lockdown, which was watching the worst movie you could find and make drinking games from it. So we would get really wine drunk whilst watching teen movies!

Phillip: And Korean dramas.

Liv: Yeah! But other than that, we did absolutely nothing but watch TV and play games.

Noelle: It just felt like time wasn’t real.

Paolo: I decided to buy a moped because we just had that blip when we came out of the winter lockdown in 2021. Everyone was adapting to taking public transport again, though my parents said “don’t take public transport. Don’t do it”! I then thought this would be a good time to get a moped as I had always wanted one. So I started investigating - to be honest though I did not like the mopeds I was viewing because they all seemed generic. Instead I then started researching Vespa, being Italian of course. I did not like the new Vespa, they were based of a variation of an original so why not get an original? Mine isn’t a vintage by any stretch, but it’s based of one of their older models. So there weren’t that many of these variations around, however I did managed to find one in Chiswick. I went to see it and put a down-payment on it and then I went off to see my parents in Italy, with one-thousand covid tests one way and one-thousand covid tests another… I then came back on the 7th of September and I christened Rodrigo, who is my moped and because I had driven these beauties before, I drove straight down from Chiswick to Peckham in the rain. I do remember shitting my pants hoping that I was getting the gears right however and that it always seems to be raining every time I ride Rodrigo, until today…

Matt: Our relationship I remember was quite strained during the winter lockdown, not through any choice of our own obviously. It was just really hard to see each other and go into each other’s houses because of social distancing. The most we saw of each other was by having a cup of tea over a couple of days on my freezing cold porch to have a quick chat and then quickly pop back inside! That does remind me of one moment however when it snowed. The snow was a relief as it shook us out of the lethargy and constraint we were in. I remember on Paolo’s lunchbreak as I was on furlough, he came over and we went to the little park near my house and just spent and hour running around throwing snowballs - oh we also made these two tiny snowmen, because it didn’t snow that much. One was called Rita and the other was called Roberto and he had a moustache and twigs for his skinny arms. They were going through a transitional phase, the diet was clearly working! Rita had big flowers for her bra and big lips made out of leaves and Roberto was just, Roberto. We continued making backstories for these little things as we sat on this bench nearby and watch people walking past, marvelling our creations raising eyebrows, although some did smile and laugh. This silliness was a highlight and I’ll remember it fondly during a period of such darkness.

“As the pandemic was about to hit, I was coming out of a relationship. I felt after we had split up I needed to do something with my time, I realised I let myself go and that’s when I started going to the gym. In the UK, they had closed the gyms, it didn’t make much sense why. That was the worst things about the pandemic; the one thing that gave you endorphins, it encouraged you to maintain a healthier lifestyle to keep the virus away. Yet they just shut all the gyms down, I couldn’t understand it. If everyone was going to become ill, surely to prevent severe disease it would make sense to fill out your time with exercise, which would will ultimately benefit our health and enrich our lives. Also being in the UK during the lockdown on your own dealing with doubts got very depressing. Being in a room starring at a screen everyday was incredibly isolating. I am sure we’ve realised now that this is not good for anyone, especially me.

So luckily, I moved out to Majorca for a couple of months - I didn’t even tell my work when I moved, I just booked a plane when the flights were operating. When on work calls I have a white backdrop anyway so they would never know, but as the days went past I was getting browner because it was the height of summer and I kept getting so paranoid, my colleagues kept telling me that I had a bit of a glow and I was like for fuck sake, everyone knows! So I ended up telling my manager and she was cool about it, thank god.

I spent six months in Majorca and soaked in the sun all day, every day. Even if there was some sort of restriction - my mum lived out in Majorca which is why I took advantage of this situation. She has a roof terrace which I could sun bathe on, that sun does wonders to you unlike summer in the UK which you could never really predict. Furthermore when it came to the winter lockdowns, you had no choice but to stay inside because it was so cold, you were essentially confined to your homes because of Jack Frost - yet in Majorca you don’t have that problem. I was so thankful that I got a chance to work remotely and keep up with my new founded lifestyle.

In Spain, the gyms were open, the only restriction was to wear a mask when you were not on a machine and you had to take a towel. Oh and you needed to spray the dumbbells with disinfectant after you used them. They were open from the early morning to the night and I was quite religious about it, I went sometimes two - three times a day, but definitely at least once a day. Wait, it was twice a day I remember as I thought at the time, what else am I going to do, nothing was open. The gym distracted me from the boredom and therefore I plummeted everything into my fitness. Seeing my body transform over time was addictive. My body was telling me to keep going because I knew I had a short amount of time out in Majorca and I needed to capitalise on what was available and advance my fitness and mental well-being. The whole trip was a breather and allowed me not to have these thoughts and loneliness running through me all the time. I could just zone out and relax. The gym did me a lot of good and I am thankful I was so motivated at that time.

Funnily, I dropped so much weight in Majorca even though I was having gin and tonics all the time. It was so hot and that was one of the only ways you can refresh and enjoy yourself during such times. Mum has a husky, So I was walking her up and down the island maybe once or twice a day. Again that was such a good distraction! Zoning out and that healthy lifestyle, I was peak fitness and it was rewarding and exhausting.

It was such a privilege to be able to go to warm country in comparison to our own, where gyms were open and engage with a sense of normality. That however comes with guilt as my friends back in the UK were not having the best time. Although during the British summer, everyone was making the most of it, there were less restrictions meaning they could enjoy themselves more. I am just thankful that I had that option to be in Spain.

Beyond lockdown though, it is insane how much better I feel physically. Fitness gave me a routine where there wasn’t a routine. It helped me a lot then and I’m sure it will in the future.”

“I would wake up every morning during the lockdowns lets say around seven or eight and I would meditate for ten or fifteen minutes. I woke to a guided meditation which was called guided sounds, it would begin with some dialogue regarding exuding light and being the light and the love of the world that you want to see. These soft soothing sounds I would get lost in and allow my mind to quieten down and be my authentic self.

Then I would grab a novel, some poems or a play, or a book on self love and I was to take this book and walk through Dulwich Woods. I would find my spot which is near an allotment, beyond it was a view of London. It was so silent, so quiet. I would read to the nature as the breeze rustled the leaves, like the wind and my words were fused together. This for me was really therapeutic throughout the lockdown - during my meditation it’s all about connecting and silencing your mind in order for you to align or realign with yourself spiritually. Reading to nature was a form of meditation, usually meditation is something we do within but I spoke to my surroundings out loud, this was a very reflective process, understanding the peaceful balance of being both outward and inward. This was my lockdown routine of self-care and mindfulness.

It was a time where I felt I could formulate and build a process in my older years. I haven’t had this amount of time to build a process of mindfulness since I was at university and so much has happened to me since then. So this was a really wholesome way of connecting with myself at a time when nobody knew where the world was going to go. So I felt very centred in those moments even though there were no definitive paths out of pandemic.”

“The pandemic taught us the cause and effect of our actions. Where will I go? How will my footprints affect the people I walk by? Even going home to visit my aging parents, I think deeper about my actions days leading up to reaching them in fear of infecting them with illness they cannot conquer.

The pandemic taught us gratefulness. Traveling may be harder, but it’s not impossible. I think about countries with weaker passport and the tremendous amount of hoops they have to jump through. If wearing masks, waiting for a country to open up its border, and getting vaccinated is all it takes, then we have an easy, lucky life.

The pandemic taught us to cherish precious moments. My mom has a lot of fear and lives every day, month, year with relatively extreme cautions. When my oversea grandmother was seemingly living out her final years, my mom kept wanting to wait until “things got better” before flying out to see her. It was a lot of waiting and my mom missed her mom’s final moments.

I wish she didn’t wait.”

Jordan: Sam is one of my closest friends now, but weirdly-

Sam: not so much before lockdown-

Jordan: but it’s a weird friendship in a sense because he was just some guy I worked with, and I am not close with anyone I work with. But we were mates and there wasn’t any rhyme or reason, it’s not like we were into-

Sam: we’re both creative-

Jordan: yeah film we really bonded over!

Sam: lockdown happened and it was a catalyst for things wasn’t it? All those things you felt and thought, you had the time to think about them, develop them you know. And you share them with your mates and then you realise you have a lot in common. Over the days our friendship progressed and naturally we got closer and closer.

Jordan: I remember over the lockdown we were playing video games online with each other for about seven hours a day because there was nothing else to do other than sitting down playing games.

Sam: well sit down and do something-

Jordan: exactly, my parents wouldn’t turn up and be like, get out your room and turn that off, it was just sit down and play video games all day. And also it was actually social, even though you were playing video games online, we’re socially interacting with our friends right?

Sam: the highlight were the walks I went on with Jordan. They were the only time I had with another person, I didn’t have that interaction with anyone else.

Jordan: Sam was my excuse to get out the house. Both of us were saying we were the other person we were seeing. I remember my parents saying oh as long as his - that’s when everyone was still scared about it.

Sam: I was spending a month play video games and then I got fed up. So we decided then that we were in each other’s bubbles.

Jordan: we were like a bubble-

Sam: a pact. You were the only person I saw-

Jordan: Jordan was like my bubble-guy! And again my parents were like, well as long as Sam’s not seeing anyone else. It was a really mad thing. Like we we’re the only person we could see and we would just vent for an hour or two.

Sam: or more!

Jordan: We once walked to Richmond and back round and we went to the River Crane, it’s a beautiful river. We’d sit on Marble Hill on a bench for an hour or two with our beers.

Sam: yeah, bliss.

Jordan: I was lucky though because Sam was never far away. I was so fortunate to form this new friendship during such a surreal time.

Everytime I left Sam though, I was reflecting and I relaised I didn’t really know what was going to happen to me when the pandemic was over, if it would ever be over! Whilst I was working in the pub, everything felt familiar and comfortable but there was plenty of uncertainty also. I knew I could not stay there forever. Luckily, the pandemic didn’t hit me as hard as others, I found ways to enjoy myself, but I knew deep down that I had to challenge myself and find a new routine, out of Twickenham and into the unknown.

All this sitting, all these familiar buildings, streets, lights and sounds make me desperate to go beyond, take life by the hand, squeeze it tight, close my eyes and jump. And lemme tell you, I’m still falling.

“Sitting here, watching the occasional person flutter past like a lone bird. London has not recovered since the restrictions lifted. We haven’t got back to the swing of things, who knows when it will return?

I’m originally from the Czech Republic, everything is much cosier there and I do miss it. I try to go back when I can to visit my family, obviously during the pandemic it was all but impossible until the restrictions lifted. But I have built a life here, during the pandemic I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. My partner and I decided to buy a house to start a family near Rochester in Kent. I now have my own family to take care of here so I didn’t miss the Czech Republic that much, there was just too much to do. I have a headache just thinking about it!

When we were returning to work in London, I remember the nervousness on the public’s faces, I could see through their masks. It was all in the eyes, rarely though people made eye contact but when they did, it was intense and it didn’t feel like we were all in this together, it felt like the exact opposite. It was isolating, everyone wanted to be alone and enjoyed their own space. I guess it was always like this in London before 2020? Now since the pandemic it’s become even worse. Even on my lunch break now there’s no one here when before it was heaving with workers. People now are so comfortable working from home.

Despite all this gloom, the future for me is bright, I am engaged to my boyfriend and showing my daughter the world now the pandemic is behind us. I just hope something like this doesn’t happen again”.

“This is how I would summarise my lockdown; gaming, smoking, revisiting old habits and hobbies and a fair bit of onanism.

Throughout the lockdown however, I was playing this game about a lone cowboy traversing the land. It gave me a sense of serenity and the game’s openness made me feel less trapped in my own home. It was so compelling, at the time I was having dreams of riding horses on the mountains - that’s why I am wearing a cowboy hat!”

“As a newly qualified nurse, I was lucky that I was not thrown immediately into the lion’s den. I was allowed to keep on working on a ward, which still meant looking after COVID-19 positive patients. Many of my colleagues were going the extra mile to save lives. The vast majority of them were re-deployed to intensive care units (ICUs). It made me think even though I appreciated the symbolic gesture of clapping our hands for my colleagues, I really hope that if there is something that the pandemic taught us is to have a higher regard of helping professions like nursing. The pressure we went through was indescribable at times.

Having recently relocated from Italy, I was curious to see how my new life in London would have been once the pandemic was over. This curiosity helped me to move on with my life in the face of adversity. I remember I used to listen to my patients, who were Londoners themselves, describing how the city was pre-pandemic. Everyone agreed that it had lost its vibrance, though reassuring me that it was only something temporary.

I am currently in the nursing accommodation close to the Royal Free Hospital. The window has an amazing view over the terrace houses around Hampstead Heath. It is a small and cosy place with furniture kindly provided. It’s the location however that makes this flat so desirable and that I don’t have to wake up for the morning commute!

During the early days, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to give a soul to my bedroom and my idea was to draw inspiration from America in the 1990s. I used to watch many tv shows with my older brother that were set in that period. In my head, I guess I secretly wanted to live my own ‘American Dream’ here. My friends and family were of the opinion that living alone within four walls would have been quite isolating for me, especially during a lockdown. Yet in reality, being someone who is comfortable in his own company, I actually enjoyed the freedom and time I spent alone. I found solace rediscovering my interests, their attraction was an answer to my rejection to the ‘new norm’. I must have spent hours in my room staring into space, like in this picture, daydreaming about how my life would have changed at the very end.”

“I was living in the garage attached to the house, there wasn’t much to do.”

The sun knows all; it has witnessed all and revealed all. How it shines on time itself, lighting up history and humanity’s choices through the ages. That thought alone is simply amazing to comprehend. It’s always there with you, wherever you are in the world, providing assurance and comfort, especially to Robert here.

The sun with one eye vieweth all the world.

William Shakespeare - Henry VI Part I

“I’ve got covid, dont ask me to give you a story Joe!”

“I lived in Queens Park with my boyfriend and we needed something to do during the pandemic, besides our midday park walks everyday. So we decided to take a detour and visit Bronte Beach which is a leisurely twenty minute walk. Rumour had it that it was a great way to start the morning - and who doesn’t like a morning dip? We woke up at five in the morning and we made our way down to the local coffee shop, grabbed a flat white, and sauntered down to the beach.

When you get here it’s maybe quite dark, maybe quite sunny who knows. But the light at dawn is romantic. And whatever the temperature of the water you just go in, freezing or warm! Whether you can or can’t even put your toes in the water, you jump in because you have to, because we walked all the way here.

Thing is you’re not the only one doing this. There are hundreds of other people doing their morning swim and exercise before they start the day working from home. It felt like a community effort, everybody going to the beach at the same time keeping fit and grabbing a dip, keeping the place alive. Then we got on with our day - routine never felt so good.

“Nothing really changed with my relationship with Sydney during the lockdown, however it was a chance to get to know my neighbours in the flats above. When the restrictions loosened, we use to have these block parties and spent a lot of time together, my boyfriend and I visited their apartments, and they visited ours. It was very community based during those two years, many experienced the opposite but here however, it was tight.

I was also doing my Masters degree throughout the pandemic. A lot of time I was sitting in the sun with the dog - I didn’t really feel the lockdown pressures as much as lot of other people did from around the world. I was grateful to be in a city with beautiful scenery, great weather and fabulous people. This actually made me love Sydney a lot more than usual, I just took it for granted before, so actually I guess my relationship with Sydney did change, a bit.

You know it feels like blur, it seems it was forever ago. Did all that actually happen?!”

“I would light my cigarette and my woes turned to smoke, fading into the night sky, watching them break apart. This was my meditation, it was an easy way to escape the realities of the pandemic - even though I knew I should not be smoking. Though I will not shame myself for this, it was a coping tool because at this point in my life, it did really help me get through the isolation and being sometimes swallowed by anxiety. I spent a lot of time in the garden reflecting and thinking, too much thinking - smoking ignited a lot of past emotions and hopes for the future. Tobacco at times became a saving grace.”

“My house mate and I got very drunk one day over the lockdown. We looked outside and saw that the garden was a huge mess. It was like a bombsite at the start of the lockdown, so we decided to clear it up. It made the experience much more enjoyable and we had these crazy adventures; this small plot of land became this fun, hilarious place to be.

We decided to dress up as clowns, paint our faces and pulled up weeds, dig holes, climb the dirt and shout ‘I’m on top of a mountain!’ When making our way down the mountain, we actually uncovered some bones from digging up the corner of the garden. The previous tenants use to burry animal bones in the garden, it was an Italian family who use to live here, don’t ask me why all I know is that they were Italian. We both gasped and whispered ‘did we just dig up a body?!’ It was funny at the time, but we found out they were goat bones, that was a relief.

We put all the weeds into our garden waste bin. Then for two hours we took the bin to the backyard and decided to string a fishing line to the lid, then to a pole and made the bin talk by pulling on the line. We sang with it, Celine Dion being a highlight. It was all a bit Titanic for our neighbours, I am sure they loved it though!

This was the first thing that came to mind for some strange reason. It was a cast back to the days of youth and innocence - with a little help from the gin and tonic.”

“Most of my family is from Hong Kong - I do miss it sometimes. I get the occasional flashback to my younger days in and around the city, it’s jam packed, never a day’s rest. I couldn’t imagine a city like Hong Kong or even London shutting down. It seems impossible to comprehend and that it went on and on, thinking will this end so I can visit my family.

Over the lockdown I just kept thinking about home. The inability to hop on a plane and visit them during the pandemic was very depressing, it affected me quite badly. However my mother is based in Aberdeen so I did not feel so homesick. My mum is my home and it’s lovely she’s here in the UK with my younger brother whilst I pursue my dreams in London. I missed her also, knowing she is near by though and not on the other side of the earth helped me during the crisis.

But now I long for Hong Kong. To see my friends and family again after being boxed-in London for years. I will be back soon.”